Behind A Wall of Stone
by Teddy1008
Summary: "Don't hide, Kili. Don't hide. We're behind you. All of us. We can help you destroy that wall of stone that blocks your path, your destiny, in front of you." Kili has a secret. A secret that even Fili doesn't know. But what will happen once Thorin finds out the hurt that has been trapped inside of Kili for months? What will happen when Thorin finds out the secret? NO SLASH!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize from Tolkien's works belongs mainly to him.**

**Author's Note: Well, here's a new one! I really hope you enjoy this. By the way, I'm planning for this story to be a trilogy. One in Kili's point of view, one in Fili's, and the last in Thorin's. What do you think? Please REVIEW at the end! ;)**

* * *

_My name is Kili. I'm one of the nephews of Thorin Oakenshield, brother to Fili, and son of Dis. My grandfather is Thrain and my great-grandfather is Thror. We live in Erebor. Well, now we do. At first we didn't. _

_At first, our home was Ered Luin, also known as the Blue Mountains, and sometimes I'll stare at pictures of it, missing the gentle streams and small hills. Then I'll realize how lucky we were to have been able to reclaim the kingdom from the dragon Smaug and even survive the Battle of the Five Armies (though it had been a close one). _

_Fili, Thorin, and I are sons of Durin, something to be proud of. I'm a Prince—but I didn't think so before. Thorin, Fili and I each have a special story to tell everyone. I suppose I'll go first, since Uncle is resting and Fili is training with Dwalin, Thorin's old friend. _

_My story is mainly during the time when I was about thirty or so. And then I'll just skip many years forward, or else it'll take far too long to tell you this precious tale. For the first few parts, it'll be when I was thirty. For the next parts, it'll be when we set off for the Quest. Ah, the Quest! Another precious tale! I do hope that Uncle will sleep a long time and Fili will train for a while, because it is most definitely a tale worth knowing, my friends. It will only be good if you hear the full tale!_

_Fili's is probably when we were a bit younger—and got into more mischief. Perhaps he'll skip forward to the Quest too. I'll talk to him about it. And Thorin's? His entire story revolves mainly around the time where we started off with the Quest to reclaim Erebor. But never mind that now. You'll hear from Uncle and Fili later. _

_Right now, it's my turn. _

_My story._

* * *

It was dark and it was nighttime. The moon was high in the sky and it shone brightly. I trudged along wearily. My boots were muddy and my breeches were wet from falling to the ground over and over again. A sword hung from my belt and I occasionally stumbled on it.

I stopped when I was in front of the house before me. I looked, tipping my head up to peer into the high window. A dark-haired dwarf was pacing, seeming to mutter under his breath as he grumbled. His frown was mighty grumpy. There was a lighter-haired dwarf, but he was sleeping, stretched out on the couch and snoring softly. I let my gaze travel, not moving from the spot where my feet were planted. Dinner was set, now getting cold and I felt slightly guilty.

_I'm sorry, Mother_, I thought, biting his lip. _I didn't mean for this to happen. _I groaned silently. _Thorin is going to kill me. _

My mother was on the russet-coloured armchair, staring absently into the fire with a mug in her hands. I took a deep breath, and breathed a curse before pushing the door open quietly.

The moment I closed the door, footsteps sounded and my uncle appeared through the doorway, glowering and scowling at me. "Kili, where have you been?" he growled.

"Out," I murmured, placing my boots on the old papers next to the door for that exact purpose. "I'm sorry, Uncle. I didn't mean to—"

"_'I'm sorry; I didn't mean to; it was an accident'_," Thorin imitated in a voice that was fairly similar to mine. "That's all we ever hear from you." He lowered his voice and tugged me closer, breathing, "Do you know how upset your Mother was when you didn't come for dinner in time? She was worried and angry, nephew, and I still reckon she is."

"I'm sorry—" I began again, and then stopped at the exasperated expression on my uncle's face. Shame and anger pierced my heart—shame for letting my Uncle and brother and mother down, and anger at myself for being so foolish again.

"Get cleaned up, and then come downstairs for dinner," Thorin growled. "Hurry, boy, and don't take your time. Your mother's irked enough already."

I turned and fled up the stairs as fast as I could, leaving a pair of muddy boots on the papers.

* * *

Once I was clean and dressed in new clothes, I headed downstairs and entered the kitchen. My brother, Fili, was tapping his fingers impatiently on the table, and mother was scowling as Thorin tried to calm her down.

I gulped at the look on her face. My mother, whose name was Dis, stormed up to me and gave me a good, not-so-gentle whack upside my head. I cringed.

"What in Mahal convinced you to stay outside for that long?" my Mother snarled. "You'll catch a cold if you keep doing that!"

My eyes flicked uncertainly toward my uncle, who gave me a look filled with such disappoint that I dropped my head immediately to avoid his gaze.

_You've failed him_, a sneering voice told me inside my head. _Thorin is disappointed in you. He's ashamed that you're his nephew, a dwarf in the line of Durin and that you're failing so miserably! What will he say when he sees your failures? What will he do?_

_Shut up_, I told it, pushing the voice far away. I sat down beside my brother, muttering a quick apology to Mother for worrying her. Thorin gave a nod and I watched Fili eagerly begin to eat, and I felt guilty once more. Thorin had set rules for the house, and Mother agreed with him. One of the rules was: _We eat as a family. If one family member is not here, then we shall wait until they come._

Of course, during when uncle was extremely busy, such as when he had to work late at night in the forge, that rule would be canceled. I realized that I was staring at Fili, and quickly bent down to start eating my soup.

Once finished, I waited quietly. Normally I would beg to be excused, and manage to find some kind of distraction would allow me an escape, but tonight I felt that if I asked, I would be pushing my uncle's and my mother's patience too much. I had pushed it enough anyway.

Relieved that everyone was finished, I stood up and began to help clear the table when Thorin called me over.

"Kili."

I turned with a puzzled frown

Thorin gestured ominously toward the stairs and pointed to his study. "Come."

I gulped. The only times Fili and I had visited Thorin's study was to receive a massive scolding, sometimes even a thrashing. But a thrashing from Thorin was rare; it was mostly Mother who did it. But, if we pushed our uncle's patience past the limit, he would be more than eager to teach us a lesson.

He would never abuse us, only tan our deserving hides, but it wasn't the best thing that ever happened to me. I wasn't that eager to get either.

"Yes, Uncle," I manage to croak, and watched him clomp up the stairs, kicking off his boots when Mother yelled at him to do so.

"Good luck, brother," Fili muttered as he bent to retrieve a fork that had 'accidentally' fallen.

"Thanks," I murmured. "I'll need it." I turned away from him, but not before Fili gave me a reassuring look. I felt much better after that, and I thanked Fili silently for his quiet encouragement. I inhaled sharply, and then climbed up the stairs and toward Thorin's study. When I reached it, I knocked quietly but sharply, twice.

"Enter," Thorin's voice called.

I turned the doorknob and stepped inside before closing the door behind me. I looked around. It had been a while since I had been called to his study. Not too many things had changed. The usual stack of papers was on Thorin's desk, and so were some pictures sitting on the bookshelves. Books sat on the shelves as well, but I couldn't read the titles even though Balin had taught me how to read and write.

Reading runes was Fili's thing, not mine.

"Kili?"

I looked at Thorin, and managed a weak smile when Thorin gestured to a chair. I sat nervously, fidgeting with my hands as he rummaged in a bag, muttering softly. What he was holding in his hand shocked me—salve. It was a salve for bruises and cuts; a salve that Thorin had applied many times to Fili and I when we had been younger and foolish and constantly getting into mischief.

_He knows. _I began to tremble. _He knows. He knows what you've done. He knows what happened. Why else would he give you the salve? How else would he know? He knows. And you thought you were so smart, managing to hide them from him and mother and Fili. He knew all this time._

"Kili? Are you all right?"

I managed to swallow and mutter, "Yes, Uncle."

Thorin eyed me suspiciously, but he seemed to push the look away as he crouch down to avoid towering over me. "You can't hide these from me, Kili," Thorin murmured softly, tracing a hardly-healed scar with a gentle finger.

I couldn't help but flinch.

"Oh, my dear little nephew," Thorin murmured again. I looked into his eyes and was relieved to see that there was no disappoint, no shame. Only concern. "Where else are you hurt? Do you have any more bruises or cuts?"

I hesitated to answer, and Thorin took that as a 'yes'. "Would you like me to apply the salve for you?"

"No!" I blurted out. Thorin raised an eyebrow, and I felt myself flush a bit. "No, thank you, Uncle," I said, much more politely. "I can do it myself. Please."

He must have heard the desperation in my voice, for he nodded and handed me the salve, pressing it into the palm of my hand. "If you need any help, come to me," he instructed. Some hardness returned to his eyes as he seemed to brush the little touch of concern and affection away.

"Yes, Uncle."

* * *

_"__You are weak and cowardly!"_

_I spun around, my sword clutched in my hand so hard that my blood circulation was being cut off. I stiffened as I felt a gust of wind blow past me, and forced myself to relax. Stiffening up would not help._

_"__You are a coward, Kili!"_

_I spun again, trying to find the source of the voice. "You are the coward!" I cried. "You are hiding from me!"_

_"__Hiding? Me?" A soft little laugh came, but there was no mirth or happiness in it. Only scorn. "Nay, little coward. I am not hiding. I am behind you."_

_Then, cold hands grasped me, shaking me, and I screamed and desperately tried to throw my attacker off. "Get off me! Get off me!"_

"Kili, wake up! Please!"

My eyes snapped open and I sat up so quickly that bile rose in my throat. It took all of my willpower not to retch. I was drenched in sweat and trembling hard, my breathing ragged and harsh. Fili was staring at me, looking alarmed and worried.

"Kili, you were having a nightmare," Fili said in a hushed tone.

"I know," I muttered shakily. I looked up. "D-Did I wake up uncle o-or M-Mother?" My voice was shaking, and I felt my face flush in embarrassment.

"No," Fili replied. He paused, then asked, "Do you want me to go get one of them?"

"No!" I cried immediately.

Fili raised his hands in a defensive way and I muttered a quick apology for being so harsh. I felt something warm seep through my shirt sleeve, and I looked down. Blood. One of my cuts must have opened again. I moved that hand back as casually as I could, but Fili was my brother and nothing could get past him.

He grabbed my hand, making me wince, and pushed my sleeve up. He gasped. "Kili, what is this? You're bleeding!" He grabbed a towel and pressed it to the cut.

I winced again. "It's nothing," I muttered, swiftly trying to tug my arm away but Fili would not allow me to, much to my frustration.

"Stop that," he scolded instead. He rubbed some salve onto my arm, the same salve that Thorin had given to me. He wrapped the towel around it, wondering out loud, "How did that happen?"

I gulped. "I must have cut it when I thrashed my arms around," I said earnestly. I leaned down on my bed and it creaked. It always did. Fili's was in slightly better condition, but only because we had always jumped on my bed as little dwarflings.

"Perhaps," Fili agreed. He lay down again, closing his eyes and sighing softly. "If you have another nightmare, you can wake me up and I'll let you sneak into my bed." He gave Kili a wry grin. "We'll just tell Uncle that you fell onto my bed."

"As if he would believe that," I said dryly, but I nodded in reply and closed my eyes. "Fili?"

"Mmm?"

"Thanks."

"Anything for you, little brother," Fili murmured drowsily before the first few snores escaped from him.

The wind rattled, making me jump nervously. I glanced around anxiously, so desperately wishing that I was sleeping with Fili, but my pride wouldn't let that happen. _Please wake up and invite me to your bed_, I begged silently. _Please, Fili._

But it didn't happen. Fili was already asleep. I sighed softly and pulled up the covers and furs up to my shoulder, burrowing deeper into them as if they could scare away the darkness that had appeared in my nightmare.

I couldn't help but grin as he remembered Fili's words: _We'll just tell Uncle that you fell onto my bed. _Thorin didn't like us sleeping together in one bed. As dwarflings, he had allowed us, but the moment I had turned twenty and Fili twenty-five, he had made me a new bed and separated us, saying that they were old enough to sleep alone by now. He had said that attachments would be a strength, but also a weakness on the battlefield.

The last thought that appeared in my head was, _I wonder if Uncle Thorin sleeps with Mother_, before I fell asleep. A troubled sigh escaped me as I slept, my nightmares charging into my dreams once more.

* * *

**End of Chapter One**

**Author's Note: How was that? Was that good? Hope you enjoyed, please REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Disclaimer: Same as Chapter One.**

**Author's Note: Enjoy! I want to thank all those who reviewed on Chapter One. They were just amazing. I hope this one is good as well.**

**Read. Enjoy. Review.**

* * *

When I woke up, I was tired and exhausted. I had hardly gotten any sleep at all. My nightmares had bothered me for hours until Fili woke from my whimpers and cries and pulled me into his bed, ignoring my drowsy protests. Then we had slept together, content and happy.

I headed downstairs and ate some breakfast before sighing and rubbing my forehead.

"You have not gotten any rest," Thorin noted, peering at me intently. "Bad dreams?"

"Yes," I admitted, though a bit reluctantly. Thorin hummed, looking slightly sympathetic.

"Fili, will you come to work at the forge today?" Thorin asked, changing the topic of the conversation as silence stretched on.

"I think so," Fili admitted. He gave Thorin a half-grin, full of sheepishness. "But I'm worried that I'll be bothering your work. I am not as skilled as you are."

"With practice, you will be," Thorin murmured, touching his forehead to Fili's.

I instantly felt a flash of jealousy. Thorin never did anything like that with me. I scowled down at my empty plate and moodily flicked off a small bit of bacon off of my plate and onto the table.

Fili, obviously sensing my sullen mood, said quickly, "What will you be doing today, brother?"

"I think I shall work with a sword," I announced. I looked at Fili. "Like you, but maybe not double swords. One is hard enough for me. I'm going to ask Dwalin to help me." I realized that Thorin and Fili were staring at me, and snapped, "What?"

"I thought you preferred the bow and arrow," Fili said, sounding astonished.

"I do, but that doesn't mean I only know how to use the bow and arrow!" I snapped. Fili dropped his gaze and I instantly felt a flash of guilt. To make it worse, Thorin gave a soft cough in warning and gave me a meaningful glance. I murmured a quick apology to Fili, and sighed. It seemed all I did these days was apologize. I turned and silently left the eyes.

* * *

I kicked a pebble as I walked, my sword hanging from my belt. It felt … unnatural there. Fili was right. I did prefer the bow on my shoulder, instead of a sword on my belt. _I'll prove that I can use a sword_, I thought grumpily, kicking the pebble far away before dragging out a dummy and began to practice.

I had only begun to practice for a while before footsteps sounded and I stopped, panting hard. Dwalin was watching me, arms crossed and gaze narrowed. "You're training with the sword today?" he said, sounding a bit surprised.

I scowled. "Yes."

Dwalin hummed thoughtfully, coming forward. He took my sword and swung it for a while. Then he gave a nod of approval. "It's a fine blade," he murmured. "Did your uncle forge it?"

"Yes," I answered again, shortly—not because I was still in a grumpy mood, but because I was still out of breath from my short exercise.

"You're tired," Dwalin noted. He circled me, fixing my stance and kicking my feet shoulder-width apart. "It's because you did lots of unnecessary movements. For example, this move." He unsheathed a sword that hung from a rack and copied a tricky move I had used on the dummy. "That move requires skill and balance, and you have neither. You're not ready for that one yet."

Some might think that Dwalin was a harsh teacher, always pointing out mistakes bluntly and rarely giving out praise. But when he did compliment, it felt good. It felt as if I had achieved something. And that was a feeling I rarely felt, especially these days.

_Especially when you shame uncle_, a voice reminded, and I cleverly told it shut up once more.

"Are you listening, lad?"

I gave a quick nod, and Dwalin continued. "We'll start out easy, and then get complicated. Good?" He nodded without waiting for a reply, and faced me. "Now, try to knock me down."

Knock him down—? I sputtered with astonishment. Knock Dwalin down indeed! He was so muscular and sturdy and well-balanced that I could barely push him! My astonishment must have shown, for Dwalin gave a wry grin.

Then he said, "I know what you're thinking. You're thinking the same thing I thought when my tutor taught me. I'll repeat his exact words to you. I may be sturdier than you, stronger than you, but you're smaller and quicker and faster. Use those to your advantage."

I eyed him thoughtfully. Dwalin waited patiently, not moving at all. He merely kept his gaze fixed on me, which I found a bit unnerving but nevertheless I managed to ignore it. After hard work, I finally did manage to knock him down, but probably only because he let me. I was sweating and panting, but Dwalin was barely out of breath at all.

"We're done for the day, lad," Dwalin said gruffly. "Go home, and get some rest. If you need any more help, I'll be here tomorrow as well."

"All right," I said.

Just as I turned, Dwalin placed a hand on my shoulder and I looked back. "Lad, good work today. I'm proud." Before I could say anything, Dwalin turned and strode away, placing the sword on the rack with a clatter as he did so. I stared after him, then grinned.

_I suppose I'm not an entire failure_, I thought smugly. To my relief, the voice didn't reply.

* * *

I entered the house, bedraggled and exhausted once more. It was dark outside. I had missed dinner again. New cuts and bruises were scattered across my body, but I managed to sneak my way upstairs and to the bathroom. With a sigh of relief, I entered the bathroom and was about to close the door when a hand stopped it. I spun, frowning. Fili.

"Where have you been?" Fili demanded, scowling deeply. "Do you know how worried Mother was?"

I stared at him silently, shifting uncomfortably. "How is she now?" I asked at last.

"Asleep," Fili growled. He strode into the bathroom and shut the door, locking it. "Uncle finally persuaded her to get some rest. He wants to see you as soon as you've cleaned up." His eyes widened when he saw the scratches and bruises on my arms, and I turned away, cursing my short sleeves inwardly. "Are those new injuries?"

I struggled to jerk away but Fili was older, stronger, and bigger. "Stop it!" I snarled, scowling. "It's nothing." I gave him a glare. "If you would excuse me, I want to wash up."

Fili stared at me for a few moments, then opened the door and stormed out, muttering under his breath. I shut the door behind him, perhaps with a little too much force.

I settled in the bath, allowing the water to clean the grime and dirt off.

_He wants to see you as soon as you've cleaned up. _

I sighed. It was tough, lying to everyone all the time. Especially when I was under Uncle's shrewd stare. I shuddered and whispered, "He can't find out. Or else he'll be more ashamed of me than he already is."

I quickly washed up again and dried my hair, and rubbed the stubble that was on his my chin. I scowled, remembering the words that had hurt me so much. Just remembering that made me quiver. _Uncle would be ashamed of me_, I thought now miserably. _I am weak, and nothing like Fili. Fili is the heir. Fili is strong. Fili is a _real_ dwarf. I am not._

Realizing that I was staring at myself in the mirror, I turned away and kicked the door open before striding toward my uncle's study, preparing myself for whatever was going to come.

* * *

I was on my bed, sulkily staring at the wall. Fili was at the desk we shared, his quill scratching as he wrote an essay for Balin. I sighed in envy. I, too, had the same essay for homework but I could hardly understand what I was writing about or what Balin had taught us. I found practicing and sparring with Dwalin instead was easier, though Fili was better at that too.

_Fili is the best at everything_, I thought bitterly. _Uncle likes him better. He's the calm, logical dwarf, and I'm the stupid, reckless one. Even Mother likes Fili better._

I smacked my head twice, struggling to block out the sneering voice. Fili looked over at me, obviously concerned. "You all right, little brother?"

I inhaled sharply. I couldn't let anyone find out. I just couldn't. Or else they would more ashamed than they already were. "I'm fine," I said stiffly, sitting up. I couldn't take it anymore. I put on my boots and shifted on a coat before stringing a sword to my belt. "I'm going out to get some fresh air."

"Mmmm." Fili gave an absent nod, already concentrating on his essay once more. With a barely audible sigh, I opened the door and headed downstairs.

I was surprised to see Thorin and my mother, Dis, at the kitchen table. Both of their faces were flushed, and I leaned against the wall flat on my back, not wanting to interrupt. They were obviously in a heated discussion. I knew I should have just headed upstairs again or perhaps just outside as uncle had told me several times that he didn't approve of eavesdropping, but curiosity overtook me.

_I'm not eavesdropping_, I thought, _I'm merely … listening._

"What will we do then?" Dis was hissing. She slammed a hand onto the table, and I inwardly flinched. "What if he comes back injured and bruised like he always does?" She clenched her hands into fists as I cringed.

They knew. They knew. _They knew. _

I shuddered. I couldn't let them know, but I kept listening.

"He won't tonight," Thorin said grimly. "I gave him a stern talking to, and warned him that I would give him a sound thrashing if he does."

I flushed, remembering the conversation my uncle and I had had. It was not something I had enjoyed. At the mention of the thrashing Thorin had threatened to give me, I turned scarlet. After all, thrashing were rare from uncle; it was mostly Mother who did it. And during the one time he had watched Mother give Fili and I a thrashing, he hadn't spoken but we had felt the weight of his stare clearly. It had intensified the sting in my backside even more.

"Would you really?" Mother was saying. "Would you really give him a thrashing?"

"Nay," Thorin said quietly. He sighed and rubbed his hands together, gazing into the fireplace with a look in his eyes I had never seen before. "Nay, I wouldn't. But the threat should be enough to stop him."

"Thorin," Mother said with a sigh. "This is Kili, not Fili." She lowered her voice, as if she knew that I was nearby, and I had to strain to listen. "Kili has always been more reckless than Fili. You know that as well as I do. Fili would believe you, but Kili wouldn't."

"I suppose," Thorin said with a sigh. "Kili has always been the more troublesome one. Even as a younger dwarfling, he got into more trouble than Fili. He is a difficult child."

At this point, I was seething with both anger and dismay. Troublesome? Reckless? I supposed that they were all true, but to hear them spoken by my mother and uncle pained me. It _hurt_ me. Barely managing to suppress a sob, I darted out from my hiding place and flung the door open, barely hearing Thorin's shocked, "Kili!"

I ran and ran. I didn't know where I was going, but I just ran. Anywhere sounded good to me. Somewhere far away. _Uncle and Mother don't want me around anyway_, a sinister voice whispered to me. _They are ashamed of you. They do not like you. They don't want you around._

"That's not true!" I screamed as I reached the field. I kicked a stone viciously and sent it tumbling toward the nearby stream. I ignored the pain that had burst into my foot. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I don't believe you!"

"Kili! Kili!"

I curled up under a tree. The same tree Fili and I had always climbed on when we had been wee dwarflings. I wished that I could return to that age, when there was no trouble, and the hardest thing in the world seemed to be getting into a fight with my older brother.

A hand placed on my shoulder gently but I jerked away, opening my tear-filled eyes. "Get away!" I cried at my uncle, who stepped back immediately. "I don't want you! Don't touch me!"

Inwardly, I did. I silently begged Thorin to refuse to leave, to hug me and wipe away my tears just as he had when I had been scolded by him for a mischievous prank or gotten into a fight with Fili, or had gotten into trouble.

But, to my dismay, he merely said softly, "I shall be at the forge if you need me." And then he turned away. I stared at his back, then released a few more sobs.

"Kili?"

I looked up, blinking.

"Kili, promise me that you will return to the house by midnight. I shall leave you alone as you requested, but promise me that you'll stay out of trouble and return home."

I buried my face in my palms again, pressing against the tree. Then I whispered, "I promise."

"Good."

I heard my uncle's heavy footsteps fading away, and I hugged my knees closer to me and peered up at the full moon that shone down on me. I was relieved that there weren't any clouds nearby to block out the faint moonlight that gave me a bit more hope, but to my dismay clouds immediately drifted in front of the moon and it seemed the world fell silent and dark. I buried my face in my knees with a quiet sob once more.

**End of Chapter Two**

**Author's Note: How was it? Please REVIEW and tell me what you thought! I hope you enjoyed!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement is intended. This story is not meant to violate the rights held by New Line, Tolkien Enterprises, nor any other licensee, nor is any disrespect intended. The characters belong to J.R.R. Tolkien with the exception of my own OC's such as Linor, Finor, Borum, Corum, etc.**

**Author's Note: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed in the last chapter, they made me so happy! Please, enjoy this one as well and Please Review after!**

**Chapter Three**

**Read. Enjoy. Review.**

* * *

I was weary. So very weary. I had returned home at midnight, as Thorin had requested and had headed straight up to the room Fili and I shared, muttering a quick 'goodnight' to Uncle, who had hummed in reply. He had been staring into the fire, smoking his pipe and blowing out smoke rings.

It was morning now, and I washed and dressed quickly. My eyes were still sore from crying last night, and they were red, much to my shame. I had a group lesson with Dwalin today, and would be laughed at, though I was used to it by now. Even the timid and quiet Ori could beat me when we trained with axes. It was embarrassing.

Then one day, Dwalin had taken me out to train me for the day, and a bow had caught my attention. It was nothing beautiful or new; instead, it was quite the opposite. It was old and needed to be repaired, but I had begged Dwalin to be allowed to try it just once.

Dwalin had been doubtful, obviously remembering the dissatisfying bow-and-arrow shooting lessons he had had with Fili. One thing that Fili was horrible at was shooting with a bow. Dwalin had told me the full story: In the end, Fili had nearly shot Dwalin in a place where an arrow should never go, especially if you were a male, by accident and they had abruptly ended the lessons after that.

But to Dwalin's surprise, I had been far better than Fili had been; no, I had been excellent and Dwalin told me so with a proud grin. _"Yer skill's so good that ye could beat your uncle, laddie," _he had roared, delighted. And I had been delighted as well.

Until the day came.

Two dwarf brothers in my lessons with Dwalin, when I did group lessons (which was not very often), had seen the bow Uncle had gifted me with. It had been a beautiful bow in my opinion, carved very smoothly and beautifully. Elaborate designs and runes were carved into it. I had never known Uncle could carve so well.

Finor, the older dwarfling of the two twins, had cried, "_Look, everyone! The nephew of Thorin Oakenshield has a bow! How deadly he looks!"_

I had flushed, embarrassed, and had sputtered, "_It is a beautiful bow, made by my uncle himself!"_

That had been the day when my hated nickname had been invented: Elf-spawn. If Fili had been there, he would have surely defended me, but he had been sick and had skipped lessons.

And whenever Fili wasn't near, the other dwarflings would tease and shout and kick. When Fili was nearby and beside his brother, they would ignore me completely, acting innocent.

The day after my nickname had been invented by Finor and his twin brother and the other dwarflings, I had met Finor and his younger brother, Linor.

_"You are an elf-spawn!" Finor, the older, had sneered._

_You are useless trash," Linor agreed, sneering along viciously._

_"Your uncle is ashamed of you," Finor spat. He kicked my kneecap, and knocked my bow away from my grasp. "You see? You carry an Elf's weapon with an elf's skill!"_

_"You have no beard," Linor agreed. "Even that new dwarfling in the village has more stubble than you!"_

_"He does not!" I had cried. "My uncle is proud of me! I am in the line of Durin!"_

_"You are in the line of trash," Finor had said, spitting at my knees and striding away, twirling his sword arrogantly and Linor gave me a good kick in the stomach before walking away as well._

I shuddered as I recalled the memory, then firmly pushed it to the back of my head. I was quickly dressed in a rough tunic when Fili stuck his head in. "You comin', little brother?"

"Aye," I replied. I quickly hurried after him, and we called a brief goodbye to Mother and Uncle before stepping out the door. We were still early, and none of the other dwarflings were nearby. Dwalin was the only one in the training field, setting out some of his own weapons and sharpening them.

I wished briefly that we would be allowed to use real, steel weapons, but Dwalin wouldn't allow it. He merely gave us boring wooden swords or axes and other weapons to practice with, and no matter how much we all protested, he still wouldn't let us.

He looked up right at that moment, and gave us a warm grin that he usually only reserved for us. "Come here, lads. You're here early."

We hurried across the field to Dwalin, and to my dismay Dwalin handed us four swords. "Dwalin?" I said, confused. "There are only two of us. You gave us too many swords."

"Nay, lad, I didn't," Dwalin said gruffly. "We'll be training with double swords today." Then he looked past over our heads and gave a nod. "It seems the other dwarflings are here," he said.

I turned and scowled when I saw the about five or six dwarflings surrounding two other dwarflings. Finor and Linor and their pets. Wonderful. I looked down, pretending not to notice them.

"Mister Dwalin! We're ready for our lessons!"

"Aye, I can see that," Dwalin said. "Into your positions, lads. I want you to pair up with those who match you in height."

I had turned to Fili, but as soon as Dwalin spoke the last sentence, we froze. Our height didn't match. It definitely didn't. Fili was much taller than me, and he always teased me playfully about my shortness, and I had always bragged that one day I would get a massive growth spurt and overtake him.

For a moment I was worried that Finor or Linor might come up to me to pair up and bully me, as they were similar in my height, but they were about the same size and paired up. I gave a soft sigh of relief and turned around and to my surprise a dwarf that looked only a bit younger than me was standing behind me, biting his lip uncomfortably.

We were the same height, so I gestured wordlessly to follow me. I glanced back as I led him to my usual spot. Fili was paired up with a tough-looking dwarfling known as Canir, but everyone knew that Canir was gentle, contrasting with his looks. And, even if he was tough, I was pretty sure that Fili would be able to beat him. After all, he was my brother.

As soon as Dwalin gave the command, we lashed out at each other, though gently, and only tapping firmly if we had to. Otherwise we would get in trouble. I blocked my opponent's sword lightly, and thrust at him. To my surprise, the dwarfling hadn't moved as quickly as I had thought he would, and I caught him on his ribs.

He didn't cry out, much to my relief, but he did stumble a bit with a gasp. I froze, shocked, and stammered, "I-I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

It was the first time the dwarfling had spoken. I didn't recognize him; his voice was soft and quiet, and his reddish-brown hair was braided on either side, much like my Uncle's. He picked himself up and I murmured another apology.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't think that I would actually hit you," I said.

"It's okay," the dwarfling replied. He gave me a shy grin. "I'm actually very slow."

We heard footsteps nearing, and knowing it was Dwalin, we quickly began to spar again, pretending as if nothing had happened. As soon as the footsteps faded away, we paused once more.

"I'm Kili," I said. "Younger brother of Fili. Fili's over there." I pointed with one of my swords, where Fili was easily blocking Canir with his two swords with such ease that it made me stare. It was our first time fighting with double swords, and Fili looked as if he had been doing it for his entire life. The dwarfling's soft voice jerked me out of my thoughts.

"My name's Corum," the dwarfling said. He gave me a shy grin that I returned, though I was sure my smile wasn't that timid. "I'm new here. My older brother and I traveled here to find a home." His shy smile disappeared. "Orcs attacked the village we were in. Borum and I escaped, but Mother, Father and my sister …" His voice trailed away.

"I'm sorry," I said, feeling horrible. "Where are you staying?"

"Not far from here," Corum answered. "Just over there." He pointed to a small stone house that sat not too far away from the training field. "It's just my brother and I."

"That's great," I said with a grin.

And from that day forward, we became close friends and I felt as if all of the misery I had been feeling disappeared and my cheerfulness returned.

* * *

"Borum and Corum, at your service."

I watched as Uncle greeted the two dwarves. I looked at Corum and realized that my friend was a miniature copy of Borum.

"Thorin Oakenshield son of Thrain, son of Thror, at your service," I heard uncle say gruffly.

"Dis daughter of Thrain, son of Thror, at your service," Mother said in a much more politer tone than Thorin.

I saw Corum's and Borum's eyes widen as they realized who they were. And who Fili and I were. Fili was sitting beside me, and we were both perched on a tree branch—we had always climbed on the big tall tree that was near our house. We swung our legs as we watched the conversation.

Finally, Uncle realized that we were gone and looked around. "Fili, Kili?"

"Up here, Uncle," I called, and then winced when Fili poked me in the ribs.

Thorin sighed. "Get down from there," he said irritably.

We scrambled down immediately. We recognized that tone. It was mostly directed at me since I was the one who always led Fili into mischief and I recognized that tone the moment he spoke. It was 'Uncle's deadly tone', a voice that Fili and I thought all dwarves should fear.

"Come inside," Mother invited the two brothers. She swept Fili and me inside as well, shooing us away.

I was happy to have a new friend. And as I said before, I thought that all the misery I had was gone. I was wrong.

* * *

_"Please, just let me go!"_

_"You deserve this, Elf-spawn!"_

_"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please, just let me GO!"_

_"It's time for you to die!"_

_A cold blade touched my throat, and I screamed desperately, thrashing as hard as I could. But something was holding down my legs, but there was nothing there. The blade dug in deeper and I screamed again. _

_"Please! I-I'm sorry!"_

"WAKE UP!"

I jerked away, gasping and shaking. I was drenched in sweat, and the covers and furs were tangled in my legs. Fili was staring at me, eyes wide. "Kili," he breathed. "Kili, you were having another nightmare."

I gulped, and accepted the cup of water Fili handed me. I drank it, still shaking, and allowed Fili to help me change into new sleeping clothes. I was about to lie down in my bed when Fili tugged me over to his own and curled up against me.

"We'll tell Uncle that you fell onto my bed again," Fili murmured.

That was our usual excuse. We had used it every time one of us woke up from a nightmare. I doubted Thorin believed us. But every time we told him, he merely nodded and didn't say anything.

I closed my eyes with a sigh, and thought, _When will this end? When will my misery end?_

* * *

**End of Chapter Three**

**Author's Note: Sorry, much shorter than the other chapters but I hope you enjoyed just as equally! Please REVIEW!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**Disclaimer: **

**Author's Note: Enjoy! Thanks to all those who reviewed before! All of you are just great and your reviews made my day. Enjoy this one as well, and please REVIEW at the end!**

* * *

"Oi! Elf-spawn!"

I spun around with a scowl, but it quickly faded when I was Finor and Linor striding toward me with wickedly sharp steel swords in their hands. Their father worked in the forge with my uncle; they must have gotten their father to sharpen their swords for them.

I looked down at my own steel, but slightly less sharp, sword that hung from my belt with a scowl. Uncle wouldn't sharpen my sword, no matter how much I begged him to. No matter how much even Fili begged, he would refuse, saying that it was dangerous for dwarflings to be carrying around sharp weapons.

_"__You can sharpen it yourself with your own tools," Thorin had said when we had begged him._

_"__We don't have any tools!" Fili and I had cried out._

_"__Exactly my point," Thorin said calmly, continuing to pound the weapon he was making._

The other dwarflings were behind the two dwarf brothers, grinning wickedly as they waited for the show that was going to happen soon. I quivered and glanced around. No Corum, no Fili, not even Dwalin was nearby! I gritted my teeth. I would not lose this time.

I turned around and pretended to be occupied with setting up the targets. My bow was slung over my shoulder and so was a quiver of arrows. I knew that it would only give Finor and Linor more to say about me. But I refused to acknowledge their leering presence, and planted the targets more firmly into the ground.

"Look! The elfling's about to practice with his bow and arrow!" Finor crowed. He spat at me, something he liked to do to me a lot.

I ignored him and merely nocked at arrow and released it, trying to send my anger away with it. The arrow hit the middle perfectly, but no one cheered for me. No one usually did. They acted like Finor and Linor, whispering behind my back only when none of my family members were nearby.

"He doesn't even have a proper beard," Linor agreed. He always agreed with Finor.

I shot my arrow again, and I once more, irritatingly, I heard whispers and murmurs behind my back from the other dwarflings. They were stupid, I thought. They merely followed for a show; a show that usually left me injured and bruised. Finor seemed to play his trump card, and I fell for it. As usual.

"His family's probably ashamed of him," Finor cried. "He doesn't deserve to be a prince! He doesn't act like one!"

The words cut into me and I spun around, an arrow nocked in my bow and pointed straight toward Finor's chest. I was trembling, and I spat out, "How should a prince act, then, Finor?"

"A prince should have authority and at least some sort of dwarf-ish-ness in them," Finor replied, straightening. The others dwarflings hesitated, then nodded immediately, agreeing when Linor shot them a scowl.

_Cowards_, I thought bitterly. The others were just afraid that Finor and Linor would pick on them as well.

"A prince should be … a prince should be the opposite of what you are, since you are nothing!"

_You are nothing. You are nothing. You are nothing._

The voice returned, ringing inside my head and I shuddered. _Shut. Up. _I growled and pulled my arrow back even further. "I won't hesitate to shoot it," I snarled. Was it a bluff? Perhaps it was. All I felt at the moment was anger.

"That's because you won't shoot it at all, lad."

Dwalin snatched up my bow and arrow from my hands and slammed it down onto the table with a mighty scowl that nearly matched Thorin's. And that was saying a lot. I stumbled back, and so did the other dwarflings. We all knew Dwalin's temper was mighty.

"What in the blazes is going on here?" Dwalin demanded, bristling. "I come out to see a dwarf aiming his bow and arrow at _his own kin_!" Here he glowered at me and I at least had the decency to look ashamed. "Scoot," Dwalin growled at last, waving his hand. "Now. Else I'll be speaking to your father about this, Finor and Linor!"

They turned and ran, and I thought smugly, _How brave and mighty do you feel now?_ That feeling quickly disappeared when Dwalin turned to me with a deep frown. "Are you hurt, lad?"

"No, sir," I said. I shot an apologetic look at my tutor. "I'm sorry," I offered. "I suppose I lost my temper."

"I suppose you did," Dwalin growled, clearly agreeing with me. He glowered until I dropped my head, fully repentant. I heard him sigh and he knelt, placing his hands on my shoulders. "What happened there, laddie?"

"I don't know," I said, my voice quivering a bit. "It's nothing." I forced myself to calm. If I told Dwalin what was happening, then he would surely tell Uncle. And Thorin would be so ashamed … ashamed that a coward like me was his nephew.

Dwalin sighed and straightened. He snatched up my bow and I half expected him to give it to me, but he didn't. "I can't trust you with this, lad, after seeing that happen," Dwalin said gently. "You might hurt someone. Then what'll happen?" He sighed, seeing the miserable look on my face. I had lost another dwarf's trust. "I'm going to give this to your uncle," Dwalin said. "I'm going to let him handle this."

"You're going to tell him?" I squeaked, horrified.

"I have to, laddie," Dwalin answered. He gave me a sympathetic look. "As your tutor, I can't just let this go. Injuring your own kin is a crime; you could be punished severely for it. And, it is my duty to keep you safe. And I shall try and keep you safe no matter what it takes."

_I don't deserve his protection_, I thought miserably. But all I said was, "Yes, Mister Dwalin." But inside, I longed for him to merely grin and say, '_It's all forgiven lad. I won't tell your uncle what happened'_. He didn't say it.

He must have seen the misery on my face, for something like pity or sympathy flashed in his eyes. He bent down and placed his hands on my shoulders again. "And it is your duty as a prince to lead," he said. "It is your duty as a prince to be strong." He gave my shoulders a squeeze, and began to walk toward my house.

"I'm not a proper prince," I whispered to myself. "I don't know how to be a proper prince."

And then I realized that Finor and Linor were correct, no matter what others said, no matter how much I argued about it.

I was not a real dwarf.

* * *

The moment I stepped into the house, I was pulled aside by my uncle and into his study. "What is the meaning of this?" Thorin growled, snatching up my bow from where it lay and scowling at me.

"I'm sorry, Uncle," I offered. "I didn't mean to …" I stopped, remembering how Thorin had always said that my excuse was '_I'm sorry; I didn't mean to; it was an accident'_. "I'm sorry," I said yet again.

Thorin growled and began to pace. I gulped. Thorin only paced when he was truly irked, and this time he seemed he really was truly irked. That fact made me feel even more ashamed. I had disappointed my uncle. Again. Finally, when it seemed hours had passed, he said, "Kili, you must stop doing this."

"I know," I answered miserably. And I truly did know.

Thorin eyed me, seeming to consider something. Finally, he inclined his head toward a chair planted in front of his desk, obviously expecting me to obey and sit. I didn't want to, but I did. I couldn't risk vexing my uncle even more. Or else I would be entering 'danger zone'.

"Your Mother and I are getting worried," Thorin murmured. He eyed me critically and I felt a flash of alarm. Surely they couldn't know! "Your excuses aren't explaining how you get those bruises, or scratches." Thorin reached out and trailed a thin, shallow long scar that ran down my arm. "What if one day you get injured very badly? What will happen then?"

I shrugged. There was no answer to a question like that. Thorin sighed. He bent down and placed his hands on my shoulders like Dwalin had done. "Kili, you don't have to hold back. You don't have to hide yourself from us. We can help you."

I bit my lip as I stared into my uncle's eyes—was that pity in them? I felt a flash of rebellion. I didn't need pity. I didn't need help. I just needed time. "Nothing's wrong, Uncle Thorin," I said, impressed by my steady voice. "I promise nothing's wrong. You don't have to worry."

* * *

A promise carried much weight.

I found that out a few hours after my discussion with Thorin. Fili was walking beside me. We were going hunting; I was excited because this was the first time I was going just with Fili. Just Fili. Just the two of us. I didn't mind traveling with Thorin or Dwalin, but it had never been 'just Fili and me'.

It had been Fili who had suggested this to our uncle, and after much thinking and promising that we wouldn't do anything stupid or reckless, Thorin gave in. I had been delighted. I still was.

"How are you feeling, little brother?" Fili murmured.

"Fine," I answered, stiffening a bit. My excitement disappeared and suddenly, worry took its place. '_How are you feeling, little brother' _was asked when Fili was worried. '_How are you feeling, little brother' _told me that Fili was planning something—a devious plan to get me to say the trust, as if he knew that I was lying to him and Mother and Thorin.

I slid a glance at him. "Why?"

Fili merely shrugged and began to hum a merry tune. I understood immediately. Fili would talk when he was ready. So I had to wait in anticipation, puzzled and worried about what Fili was thinking this time.

The last time Fili had said those words had been when I had been planning to sneak out and practice with my sword—I had desperately been trying to increase my skill with the sword. I was excellent at the bow, but dwarves merely scowled and sneered and remarked that the Prince carried an elf's weapon. They were no better than Finor or Linor. I scowled.

"I'm worried about you, brother."

I glanced at Fili. "What do you mean?" I asked, slightly anxious.

Fili glanced at me and our eyes met. I quickly lowered them in case he read the fear that was probably filling them right now. Fili sighed softly and turned his gaze forward again. "I mean that I've noticed that you are late for dinner most of the time."

I didn't say anything. What could I say? I couldn't deny it, because it was true, but I didn't want to agree to it either.

"Well? That's true isn't it, brother?"

I gave a slight nod.

Fili gave me a grim look. "Little brother, you're getting hurt every time you return." Fili scowled down at a big bruise on my forearm and I quickly shoved the sleeve farther down. "Where are you going every evening before dinner?"

We had stopped. We stood, staring at each other, and the next words that Fili spoke made me flinch. "Kili, we're _brothers_. We're not supposed to have secrets. We tell each other everything, right? So why can't you tell me now? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I muttered. I quickly became interested in a leaf that had drifted to my foot.

Fili scowled fiercely again, and protested, in a much louder voice, "Little brother! You're still keeping a secret from me! What's wrong with you? You … you've never done this before."

I cringed inwardly. It was true. I had never kept a secret from Fili before. Never. But I couldn't tell him. Or else he would be ashamed of me. Ashamed that he had such a weak dwarf for a brother. Such a stupid, useless dwarf.

"Fine, you don't have to tell me."

I almost sighed in relief, but the next words made me freeze.

"Just please promise me that you'll never do it again. Promise me that you won't sneak out."

I swallowed, then began walking. I heard Fili's footsteps behind me and I muttered, "We're supposed to be hunting."

"Kili."

Desperation and almost a pleading tone had crept into my brother's voice. That one word carried much weight. I stopped, stared silently off into the distance for a few moments, then whispered, "I promise."

"Thank you."

But I knew I couldn't. I already had promised; now it meant that I had to ignore the promise I had just made. And I felt awful. I glanced over at Fili, who was now glancing around, a knife clutched in his left hand and his right hand on the hilt of one of his swords.

He would be mad.

Very, very mad. And seriously vexed. I had never broken a promise before. I sighed.

A promise carried much weight.

* * *

**End of Chapter Four**

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Please REVIEW! Tell me what you think will happen next and I'll specially announce the reviewer who got the closest at the beginning of the next chapter. It won't be too hard, most likely, considering what I've written. ;) The contest (sort of?) begins!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**Disclaimer: ****No copyright infringement is intended. This story is not meant to violate the rights held by New Line, Tolkien Enterprises, nor any other licensee, nor is any disrespect intended.**

**Author's Note: Enjoy, and please REVIEW! Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed on Chapter Four! I really hope you enjoy this. Please leave your thoughts by reviewing or by sending me a PM, and if you have any ideas for a new story you can drop me a PM or Review. Thanks!**

I quickly slipped into my bed, my bones and muscles aching. I felt horrible. To break a promise … Fili and Thorin probably wouldn't trust me anymore after finding out.

Finor and Linor had beaten me again. Of course, I knew they would have even before I challenged them. My ankle was sore; Linor had kicked it, hard, and there had been a loud cracking sound. I guessed that I had dislocated it. But I couldn't tell Thorin or Fili.

I sighed. I would just have to go to Oin or Dwalin and Balin for help. I couldn't risk lying to my uncle; he always knew whether I was telling the truth or not. But I couldn't go now. Not now. Early in the morning, I would go. Right now, all I wanted was sleep.

"Oi! Little brother, wake up!"

"Uhhhhh."

Then pain. Then struck me straight into my already hurting ankle, and I let out a mighty scream of pain.

"Kili! Kili!"

I forced my eyes to open and found myself staring into my brother's blue eyes. Fili was slightly pale, his eyes wide as he bent over me. "Little brother, your ankle! Your ankle's hurt!"

I let out a string of curse words that would have earned me a fine soaping from Thorin, then sat up with a grimace. "I'm fine," I grunted, gritting my teeth. The bruises I had received were throbbing more than usual and it seemed to show.

"No, you are _not _fine!" Fili snarled, obviously seething. "I've had enough of your foolishness. You return home, injured and bruised and scratched, and you expect us to not worry about you!"

I jerked back, shocked at his harsh words. Fili continued on without hesitation, giving me a right thorough tongue-thrashing. And it wasn't at all playful.

"What if one day you come back and you're hurt mortally? What if … what if I lose you?" Fili's voice faltered for a moment, then turned firm and in a un-Fili-like way. "Are you listening to me? How did you get that swollen ankle, anyway? You were in bed all night—" He stopped, inhaling sharply. He gave me a look. "You wouldn't," he breathed. "You didn't."

"I-I'm sorry, Fee," I began miserably, but Fili interrupted me.

"We're brothers, Kili! We're not supposed to break promises or keep secrets!"

"I didn't mean to!"

"You don't mean anything," Fili spat viciously. His eyes were blazing. "You never do. You're just a little dwarfling who should still be taken care of by his mummy and daddy, a helpless little dwarfling who—"

"SHUT UP!" I screamed, fed up. I pounded two fists on the bed mattress, making it creak. "Shut up!"

_SMACK!_

I stumbled back, pain shooting through my ankle again. And the cheek of my face. Fili was frozen; the smack he had just given me on my face must have jerked him out of the insane place he had been in before. "K-Kee, I-I didn't mean to—"

I spun and ran out, though I favoured the injured foot a bit as I ran and limped at the same time.

"KILI!"

I ignored my brother. I could feel wetness trickling down my face and I angrily wiped my face with the sleeve of my shirt. I passed Thorin, who looked bewildered and shocked, and passed Mother as well, who gasped in horror.

I ignored their calls, even Mother's. Far away, that's where I wanted to go. Just far away, away from all of the bad dwarves that hurt me and the bad feelings and bad dreams. I let out a sob, then another, and then another. Branches whipped me in the face and eventually I had to stop. I was crying by then, and I sat down, leaning against the trunk of a huge tree.

_Fili hates you_, a voice told me brutally. _He hates you and they don't want you around. Just go, far, far away to a place where they'll never find you because you're a burden. You're helpless— _

"Shut up!" I shouted. I seemed to be saying that a lot recently. "I don't care!" But I did. I cared, and a lot.

I stood up, snapped off two thick branches and placed them side by side my injured ankle. I ripped off a strip of my too-long shirt and, gritting my teeth, I brutally snapped my dislocated ankle back into place. I bit down, hard, on my bottom lip and soon I tasted blood but I kept going. Finished setting the bone back in place, I wrapped the cloth around my ankle and then slowly stood up. Then I snapped off one long, thick branch and used it to help me limp along.

It felt familiar. I looked at the branch strangely, then realized that it was a memory that came forth in my mind. It wasn't the silky feeling of the branch-crutch, but a familiar memory that was quite similar.

_"__Ow! OwOwOw! Uncaaaaaa!"_

_Thorin grunted as he held a thrashing dwarfling. I writhed desperately, bucking up and trying to escape. "In the name of Mahal, Kili! Stay still, I'm only trying to help!"_

_"__You're not helping!" I wailed. "You're making it huurrrt! I don't like you anymore! Stop!"_

_Thorin tightly wrapped a strip of cloth around my broken ankle, then said, "Done. Enough of that fuss, young dwarfling. That's enough. Now get moving."_

_He set out, but I did not follow him, he stopped and turned back with a sternly raised brow. I looked up at him with tear-filled eyes, and he seemed to soften a bit; just a bit._

_"__Oh, I spoil you too much," Thorin sighed as he picked me up. I grinned and flung my arms around Thorin's neck, breathing in the familiar and comforting scent of my uncle._

But he was not here. Not now. And even if he were here, he probably wouldn't comfort me the way he had then. I looked back and realized that they could be following me, so I quickly limped along as fast as I could.

Soon, the sun set and by then I was sweating and panting. But I had gotten far away. My legs trembled with exhaustion and I slowly lowered myself, shivering. I had foolishly run out without a jacket, and now I was out in the cold wind with just a thin shirt and breeches on. It was summer, but sometimes night would be a bit colder than it usually was. I sank to the ground and buried my face in my palms.

Then darkness seemed to take me, and I fell into a deep sleep.

"Look over here, brother!"

I cracked my eyes open, just a bit. It was dawn, perhaps only three in the morning, or maybe even two. I began to panic, worried that it was Thorin or Fili or Mother, but the dwarf that emerged wasn't any of their heights.

I wanted to run away, but I couldn't see properly. I was still in a dazed state. The dwarf's face was blurry; no, the entire world was blurry.

"Poor lad," another rough voice said. "Should we take him to our house?"

"Aye. That would be smart."

Hands gently lifted me from the ground, and I cried out, alarmed. But a soothing hand patted my head and stroked my hair, the way Mother used to do when I would wake up, sweating, from a nightmare.

"Shhh," a soothing, gentle voice murmured. "You're safe."

"Mmmm."

I rolled sleepily. It was warm and it felt nice. There were furs tucked over me, and my head rested comfortably on something that felt like a pillow. But it couldn't be. It couldn't be a pillow or a bed, because I was far, far away from my own.

"Is he awake?"

"Poke him, I dare you!"

"Noooo! Mister Thazmirr said not to wake him, and if we did, he would give us a good thrashing! I don't want a thrashing; don't you remember the one we got last time?"

"Yes, but Norgram!" a voice whined.

"Shut up, Boram," a voice groaned.

"NORGRAM! BORAM! I told you not to bother him! Get your miserable backsides over here, now!"

I heard gulps, then footsteps skittered away. I opened my eyes slowly. At first it was blurry, but it slowly became more and more clear. I grunted a bit and looked down. My leg was bound and there was some water on a table nearby. I hesitated then gulped it down, then wondered if that had been the smartest thing to do.

I heard footsteps and I looked up. A dwarf entered, his bushy eyebrows raised. He was tall, perhaps Dwalin's size, and had a fiery-coloured bushy moustache as well. He narrowed his pale blue eyes, then called, "Thazmirr!"

A little shorter, but stronger-looking dwarf appeared as well, dragging two little dwarflings behind him. "What is it, Fralmirr?" he growled. He had a fiery-orange beard and eyebrows as well, and deep gray eyes.

Fralmirr, the taller dwarf, pointed to me and I instantly pressed back against the soft little cot I was in.

"He's awake!"

"Come on, Norgram!" a slightly smaller dwarfling squealed, running forward.

"Enough of that, Boram," Fralmirr muttered, snatching the small dwarfling up. Norgram, obviously the older dwarfling, shuffled over to me. Boram wriggled in Fralmirr's grasp, pouting when the older dwarf didn't let go.

Norgram just stared at me, and I shifted, feeling uncomfortably. Eventually, to my relief, Thazmirr strode forward and picked up Norgram before swinging him to Fralmirr and saying, "Go, little brother. These two are in need of baths."

"Noooo!"

I heard Fralmirr groan and mutter, "It's your turn next time." Then he turned and strode away with two thrashing dwarflings in his arms.

"Thazmirr son of Dalamirr at your service," Thazmirr said with a quick bow before he knelt next to me. "You are feeling better?"

I gave a quiet nod, then realized that I was forgetting my manners. Uncle and Mother would have been scolding me by now. A lump appeared in my throat at the thought of my family, but I quickly swallowed and pushed the thoughts away. "Kili son of Dis at your service," he quickly said.

Thazmirr raised a brow. "Nephew of Thorin Oakenshield?"

I was about to nod when I stopped myself. I didn't want to tell him exactly who I was yet, because if Thazmirr and Fralmirr found out that I was the nephew of Thorin, they would obviously send me back to him. And I didn't want to return. _You do_, a voice reminded me. _You're just too scared to return. You're scared that they'll be mad at you, that they'll reject you._

_They already have rejected you_, a voice sneered, and I gritted my teeth.

I was about to say 'no', when I realized that if Thorin was known even here, then my Mother would be obviously known as well. And I had already stated my Mother's name. Silently cursing my foolishness, I gave a nod. "Nephew of Thorin Oakenshield, aye."

"You should return to him immediately!" Thazmirr exclaimed, and my heart sank. "He will be worried!"

_No, he won't. He doesn't care about me, he's ashamed of me. _"He knows where I am," I lied swiftly. "He sent me off to go hunting and I got injured as I chased a deer." I can lie so easily sometimes that it scares me. But never to Thorin. He _always _knows whenever Fili or I lie to him and it has gotten us into a fair bit of trouble when we were younger.

Thazmirr seemed a bit doubtful, but he merely nodded and to my relief, moved on. "You were injured badly when we found you," he said. "Why?"

I scowled at him, suddenly not appreciating his questions. To my relief once more, I was saved from answering by a dripping wet Fralmirr entering. Thazmirr, effectively distracted, grinned and tossed him a towel. "Here, brother."

"Thank you," Fralmirr said with exaggerated disdain and began drying himself off. Just then, two small figures came running over, dressed tidily and hair still a bit wet.

"Can we see him now?" Norgram begged.

"Oh, please!"

Thazmirr frowned at them but I quickly waved his frown away. "Of course," I said with a smile, hoping that I didn't look sad or annoyed. Apparently I didn't. Norgram and Boram hurried over and they bowed.

"Norgram and Boram apprentices of Thazmirr and Fralmirr at your service!" they chorused, as if they had had plenty of practice saying that together.

"Kili son of Dis, nephew of Thorin at your service," I said, dropping in the 'nephew of Thorin' this time.

"You know Thorin Oakenshield?" Boram gasped.

"He's my uncle," I said flatly.

"That means you're a Prince!"

"I am."

It went on in a similar way for a while and I was saved from more questions when Thazmirr finally said, "All right, that's enough. Perhaps the two of you should go outside and show Prince Kili around."

"Just Kili, please," I said quickly. 'Prince' didn't seem to suit me.

Thazmirr looked at me for a while in a strange way. He seemed curious. Finally he said, "You are a peculiar dwarf, Pri—Kili." He paused, then said quietly, "You are welcome to stay here for as long as you like."

"Thank you," I said softly, then looked down when Boram tugged at my raggedly-torn sleeve. It was torn. I barely managed to suppress a groan. Mother was going to kill me when I returned. _If I returned._

"Come on, Kili!" Boram said eagerly. "We'll show you around!"

I allowed myself to be dragged away by the dwarflings and into the cool breeze that whipped my hair around. And I managed to smile, feeling content.

**End of Chapter Five**

**Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed! Please REVIEW!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

**Disclaimer: Same as usual**

**Author's Note: Enjoy! Thanks to all those who reviewed before and please REVIEW at the end of this one too!**

* * *

"They said that they were your apprentices," I said as I puffed my pipe and blew a smoke ring. My leg was almost healed now; I had been staying at the small cozy house for at least two weeks now. "When they first introduced themselves, I mean."

"Aye." Thazmirr was puffing his pipe as well, gazing off into the distance. "They are orphans. Their father died when they were very little. They did not even know their Mother. Fralmirr and I found them—"

"Can I try?"

I looked down. Boram, the younger brother of Norgram, was looking up eagerly at me. "Hmmm?"

"Can I try what you're doing right now?" Boram pointed to my pipe and I choked, coughing a bit and struggling not to burst out laughing.

"Nay, you _may_ not," Thazmirr said sternly. He flicked a hand. "Now, shoo!"

With a pout, Boram turned and headed away. I tipped my head toward Thazmirr and gave him a look. "Please, continue."

Thazmirr hummed. "Fralmirr and I found them in the woods nearby, where we found you." He pointed into the distance. "They were little and half-frozen. It was winter then, and they did not have even warm clothing on! My brother and I took pity on them and we have been caring for them since."

He sighed and puffed his pipe in content once more before saying, "They are our apprentices. We train them to fight with weapons, and we are teaching them how to forge. Their memories of their true family are nearly erased. They introduce themselves as 'Apprentices of Thazmirr and Fralmirr' instead of their father's name."

I frowned and stared down. I had never known my father either. To me, Thorin had been my father figure—and I constantly disappointed him. I felt a twinge of guilt and pain. Once more, I wished that I could be more like Fili, the perfect one. The one that Thorin liked most.

Thazmirr nudged me eventually, saying, "You should start your exercises, lad. It's no good for a young dwarf like you to be so lazy."

"Lazy?" I muttered in mock indignity, and gave him a glare before moving away, leaving him alone to chuckle and puff his pipe.

* * *

I was practicing my sword skills with a sword that I had borrowed from Fralmirr, and paused to take a break, twirling the sword in my hand as I did so.

"You're good."

I turned around. Fralmirr was watching me, leaning against the wall of the small house. "Thank you," I said politely. "My uncle taught me, though my Mother didn't want me to learn."

"No one wants their sons or daughters to learn how to fight and go into war," Fralmirr said quietly.

I stared at the usually cheerful dwarf. Fralmirr's tone was most sombre. I tensed, unsure of what to do. I was relieved when he cast me one of his soft grins. "Except for Orcs and Goblins and other foul creatures."

I grinned back, then resumed, jabbing at an invisible enemy. Fralmirr merely stood there, watching, and when I nearly tripped, he said, "You're making the same mistake over and over again."

Fralmirr moved closely and kicked my feet apart. "They should be at least shoulder length. You're keeping them packed too closely together." He gave me a shrewd look. "You shoot with a bow, don't you? You prefer the bow to a sword?"

I bit my lip and looked down.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," Fralmirr said in a low voice. I looked up at him in surprise. Most dwarves sneered and scowled when I admitted it. "There aren't a lot of dwarven archers anymore. You must have steady hands and keen eyes."

I was staring at him, surprised. Fralmirr was different from the others. He praised me and my skill. That made a warm and tingling feeling erupt inside of me. I smiled.

Fralmirr met my eyes. "Now, try that move you did again. Don't let your feet get too close."

I attempted once more, and Fralmirr watched me closely. This time, I didn't lose my balance and I grinned at him. Fralmirr smiled back. "I knew you could do it." He turned to head back into the house with a cringe as a loud crashing sound occurred.

I grimaced, wondering what the two dwarfling brothers had broken this time. Probably Boram, who was always curious and touching everything, and perhaps a bit of Norgram, who was just a wee bit clumsy.

I stared at Fralmirr's back and called, "Fralmirr!"

Fralmirr turned with a raised brow. He looked puzzled. I gazed at him steadily. "Thank you."

Fralmirr gave me a nod, as if he knew I wasn't just thanking him for the tips he had given me, and said, "You are very welcome." Then he turned and disappeared into the house.

I stared after him for a while, then turned and began to practice once more. It was hard work. I was sweating by the time I decided to take a rest. I turned, then jumped back when I saw two pairs of eyes staring at me.

"Boram, Norgram, do you need something?" I asked. I sincerely begged inwardly that they were not asking for a story. Apparently it was too much to ask of the curious, young dwarflings.

"Can you tell us a story, Mister Kili?" Boram asked with his most adorable puppy eyes.

I groaned, unable to resist the pleading gazes sent toward me. "Fine, fine," I muttered. "Sit down and let me think." I chewed on my bottom lip as I thought, absently cleaning my sword with a cloth I carried around at the same time.

"Can you tell us how you got that sword?"

"Huh?" I looked down at Norgram, who had questioned me.

"Who gave you that sword?" Norgram demanded. He pointed to the sword I was cleaning.

"It's a long story," I murmured. Are you sure want to hear?"

"Yes!" Norgram and Boram cried, excitedly.

"Very well, then," I said with a sigh. "Listen up."

* * *

_"__Orcs?"_

_I pressed my ear closer at my uncle's growling voice. Fili was beside me, listening in as well._

_"__Aye," came Balin's voice, "a big group of them. They decided to go after the dwarflings. Probably trying to end the race of dwarves; and when we attacked, the remaining Orcs fled. But they failed-" Now Balin sounded pleased- "No enemy can beat us dwarves when we're together."_

_"__And separated?" Thorin murmured._

_No reply came from Balin, only a grim silence._

_"__Did you hear that, Fili?" I whispered as we snuck away. "Orc attack. We don't usually get to see Orcs often."_

_"__Kili," Fili tried to interrupt, but I ignored him._

_"__Fili, I have a great idea."_

_"__To go after the fleeing Orcs and get ourselves killed?" Fili suggested dryly. "A great idea, brother. I'm sure Uncle Thorin will approve."_

_"__You wouldn't tell Uncle!" I said, eyes widening. "You would never!"_

_Fili didn't say anything, just looking away._

* * *

"What did you do?" Boram asked, eyes wide.

I gave them a grim smile. "We went after them, of course. Now, hush, if you want to hear the rest of the story."

Boram immediately closed his mouth.

* * *

_"__Fili, hurry up! You're so slow!" I complained as we hurried along._

_Fili was walking a bit behind me, his eyes wary and sharp as he glanced around. I pranced along ahead of him with a sword (I could barely carry it, but I was determined to wield it) that I had snitched from the forge. It was beautifully shaped, shiny and golden in my eyes._

_A rustling sound made Fili jump, but I managed to stand ground, though I flinched a bit. I hoped Fili didn't notice. A growling noise. My heart was thumping, and I was frozen, terrified. What if it were the Orcs?_

_I had merely chased after the Orcs because I wanted to please Uncle—he was always talking about bravery and how you needed to be smart and brave to win battles._

Smart and brave_, I thought with a sharp inhale. I lifted the heavy sword I carried and pointed it at the bushes. Fili had two knives in his hands—his own. I found it hugely unfair how Fili often went with Thorin to the forge; sometimes Thorin helped him craft some of his own weapons. But not with me. Thorin never crafted weapons with me, never taught me how to sharpen a blade, never brought me along with him when he headed to the forge._

_But he let Fili. And that was why I wanted to prove myself to Thorin—to show him that I was useful to him, like Fili was. Not just a reckless, mischievous little dwarf, but a strong and brave warrior._

_With a snarl, something jumped out of the bushes and nearly knocked me over. With a gasp, I scrambled away with Fili. We quickly climbed a tree, shaking with fright._

_I looked down. It wasn't an Orc. Just a wolf. But it was obviously a hungry wolf; it kept snarling and drooling and circling our tree._

_"__We should have never come here," Fili muttered under his breath, his eyes fixed on the wolf. "It was dangerous and foolish."_

_"__You sound like Uncle," I mumbled bitterly, but I knew I was only feeling sour because it had been my fault. And Thorin would see it that way—all Kili's fault. All mischievous, little Kili's fault._

_Something snapped within my mind. I wanted to prove myself. No, I _needed _to prove myself, or else Uncle would never take me seriously. I gripped the hilt of the sword and braced myself._

_"__Kili? What are you doing?" Fili whispered, eyes fixed on me now._

_I ignored him and stared down at the wolf. Then I jumped._

_"__Kili!"_

_I landed on the wolf's back, my sword digging into the wolf's skull. I had seen Thorin stab a dummy like that when he had been practicing—I was not supposed to be watching. _

_It was a clean kill. My sword was stuck in the skull and it took a few moments for me to yank it out. Fili was beside me at that point. Both of us were shaking, but safe. We turned and began to run out of the forest._

_We were in big trouble, and we knew it. We had been plainly forbidden to go past the boundaries our uncle had set for us. If we were lucky enough, Thorin wouldn't tan our hides. Hopefully he would just scold us._

_When we arrived home, it was Thorin who greeted us. He gave us a sound thrashing for disobedience and then, just before I left his study, he said, "Kili. You have proved yourself well today." He walked toward me and gave me the sword I had killed the wolf with. "This is yours—keep it safe and it will do the same for you."_

* * *

"Is that where you got the sword?" Norgram asked. His eyes were wide and filled with excitement.

"Aye," I replied. "Now, I've told you a story, so leave me in peace!" They didn't listen.

"I knew you were a hero," Boram announced with a sweet grin that made me blush. "You saved your brother! And yourself!"

"Was Orc hunting fun?" Norgram asked. "Can we go Orc hunting?"

"No!" I exclaimed, shocked at the prospect of the two innocent, sweet dwarflings going Orc hunting.

Norgram and Boram both frowned at me for a moment but when I glared, they shrugged a bit meekly. "Okay," they answered. "We won't."

I smiled at them, relieved. "Good."

I woke to shouts. My eyes snapped open and I threw back the blankets and furs, trembling. I hated it when people screamed and yelled. I slipped on some shoes and hurried out of the small room I slept in.

"…and skin them when I find them!"

"What's going on?" I asked, curious and apprehensive at the same time.

Thazmirr whipped around and glowered, scowling. "They're gone!" he bellowed. "What crazy story have you told them this time? Where are they?"

"They?" I echoed, bewildered. Then he struck me. Norgram and Boram were gone. "I'll go find them," I muttered, hastily grabbing a coat and sliding it on before snatching up boots, then, putting them on I ran out. I snatched up my sword and bow and arrow as I went along, buckling the sword to my belt and swinging the bow and quiver of arrows on my back.

_I'm an idiot_, I groaned inwardly. _I've told them a crazy story about Orc Hunting. And now they've gone off to do some insane deed, and it'll be all my fault._

_As usual_, a voice whispered.

"SHUT UP!" I snarled, kicking at a stone. "Shut up! Shut up!" The pebble clattered away.

Then a terrified scream sent shivers up my spine. Norgram and Boram. I raced toward the sound, my breathing ragged and harsh with terror. I cut through the bushes with a small dagger I carried, not caring if the branches whipped and cut at my face.

I burst through the bushes and was horrified to see Boram leaping down from a tree, a small knife clutched in his small hands.

"BORAM!" Norgram screamed.

"No!" I roared, leaping forward. The warg that had been prowling under the tree jerked and snarled. I ran as fast as I could, but it was too late. Boram slammed down on the warg's back, but this was a warg—smarter than a wolf. The warg spat and shook, flinging Boram off. Boram flew off and smashed into a tree headfirst, then slid to the ground, unconscious.

"No!" I cried again, and swung my sword at the warg. The warg let out a sharp howl and yelp as I stabbed down onto its head. Then it sunk to the ground, dead.

I gave it a last tap to make sure it was dead, then headed toward Boram. Norgram was scrambling down the tree, his eyes terrified for his little brother. I gently picked up Boram, cradling him to my chest.

"Oh, no," I groaned. "Boram. Boram, and Norgram, you foolish, stupid little dwarflings!"

"Is he …?" Norgram's eyes were full of fear, his entire body stiff with shock and terror.

I felt for Boram's pulse. To my relief, I felt a pulse. It was weak, but at least it was there. Boram's hair was sticky with blood, and his right arm was twisted at such a strange angle that it made me grimace. "Are you hurt?" I asked Norgram, looking down at the now-relieved dwarfling.

"No, only a few cuts," Norgram answered absently.

I examined Norgram. A rather nasty gash from his forehead to chin was the worst the dwarfling had. It ran over his right eye, but I was relieved that it seemed that Norgram could still see out of it. It would leave a scar, but at least it wasn't his throat bearing the gash.

"Come on," I said grimly. "Fralmirr and Thazmirr are worrying."

* * *

"Don't you ever scare us like that again!"

"We're sorry!"

"Do you know how worried we've been?"

I watched Fralmirr and Thazmirr pull the two dwarflings into a warm hug. A strange emotion bubbled inside me. I was puzzled at first. I didn't know what it meant. Until I saw Fralmirr and Thazmirr hug Boram and Norgram again.

I was homesick.

Homesick. How could I be homesick? I felt a flash of grimness. I didn't miss my family. I didn't. _You do_, a voice said sternly. It sounded suspiciously like Uncle. _You miss your family, you want to go home, but your pride doesn't let you._

_Shut up_, I ordered the voice. It seemed I was telling the voice to constantly 'shut up' these days.

_What is pride when there is family? _

The voice didn't shut up this time. I grimaced and dug my nails into my hands and began to chew on my lip.

_You are stubborn, young prince._

_I'm not a prince. I can't be one. I don't know how_, I argued.

_You are a Prince, and there is nothing you can do about it. What is pride when there is family? _The voice repeated what it said before. _Return to them, Kili son of Dis. Accept your destiny._

The voice faded away to a small buzzing sound that made me grimace, and I rubbed my forehead.

"Kili? Are you all right?" Thazmirr was staring at me.

"Hmm?" I looked at him. Fralmirr was ushering the two small dwarflings inside the small house, ignoring their protests. I gave Thazmirr a small smile. "I'm fine."

We gazed at each other for a few moments. No word was spoken between us, but we understood everything without saying anything.

"Go," Thazmirr said at last. He gave me a warm smile. "Go before our two mischievous dwarflings come out. Then it shall be harder to leave."

"I don't want to leave," I argued half-heartedly.

"You do." Thazmirr strode forward and cupped my head into his gentle hands. Then he touched his forehead to mine; it was a gesture so gentle and loving that I released a soft sob. Thazmirr smiled warmly at me. "You don't belong with us, Kili," he said gently. "You belong with your family."

"I've thought of all of you as family," I pointed out.

"Aye," Thazmirr agreed. He gave me a kind look. "You belong with your _real _family. Think, Kili. How much do you think your family is worrying about you?"

I stared at him.

Thazmirr gave me a look and handed me everything that was mine. He pressed a small, sculpted figure into my hand. It hung from a chain that I could easily put around my neck.

The figure was a small, carved bear made out of wood. It was smooth and it made a strange tingling feeling inside me. Then I realized that I had seen this before—this small but strong-looking bear had always hung on the chain, hanging around Thazmirr's neck. "This isn't mine," I said quietly, looking at him in confusion. "I can't take this."

"It is a gift," Thazmirr answered gently, guiding my hands and helping me put it on. "A gift from friends."

"I … I don't have anything to give you," I said apologetically.

"Your mere presence was a gift enough, Kili son of Dis," Thazmirr replied. "You saved two lives."

"But I had to kill a life to save the two of them," I pointed out. I didn't know why I was fretting over the dead warg.

"There is a cost in everything we do," Thazmirr said quietly. He gazed into my eyes. "Go, Kili. Accept your destiny."

_Accept your destiny. _Those three words made a shiver go up my spine, but I nodded, tucking the bear safely behind my shirt. "Goodbye."

"Farewell," Thazmirr replied with a nod. "Travel safely, Kili. And remember that if you are in need of anything, we shall always be here."

* * *

I stepped quietly into the front of the house we lived it. Taking a deep, shaking breath, I smoothed my clothing and buckled my belt more tightly before I began to take slow, slow steps.

_Accept your destiny._

I placed my hand on the handle of the door, then slowly pushed it open. It opened with a creaking sound and I grimaced before I stepped into the house. Then I quietly put my dirty and worn boots on the old papers before softly stepping deeper into the house.

I could hear my heart beating, fast and loud. I was nervous. I wiped the back of my hand on my breeches, then entered the main room, where the fireplace was.

I froze at the sight. Thorin was sitting in the big red armchair, humming quietly to himself as he stared into the fire and sipped tea, but the song wasn't filled with his usual calmness. It was filled with sorrow and grief. Fili was on the long couch, snoring softly, looking exhausted. My Mother was drowsing on the same couch Fili was on. They all looked exhausted.

I spoke quietly. "I'm sorry I'm late."

They all looked up, Fili nearly falling off the couch in his haste. Dis jumped awake immediately, eyes wide. Thorin choked on his tea and it crashed to the ground. The glass shattered, but no one seemed to care.

I swallowed nervously. Fili scrambled up and ran over to me. "Fili, I—"

My brother pulled me into a crushing hug, making me choke. "How I've missed you, little brother," Fili whispered. He was shaking, trembling violently. "We … everyone thought you were … gone. Forever, I mean."

_Gone forever. They thought I was dead. _

"Well, I'm not," I said. I looked at my Mother, who was sobbing into a handkerchief. She crushed me in a hug as well, holding on to me tight.

"Mother … I … you're choking me," I gasped out, and she let go.

"Don't you ever leave again!" Dis cried out. "Do you know how worried we've been? How dare you just run out like that? We've been searching for you day and night, and we still couldn't find you, and we thought you were—"

"Dis, give him some time to breathe," came Thorin's rumbling voice.

Dis and Fili immediately stepped aside, their bodies as tense as mine. I faced my uncle warily, chewing my bottom lip nervously.

Thorin studied me for a while, then clapped my shoulder and quietly said, "Glad you're back." He seemed like he wanted to say something else, for he hesitated, staring a bit. Then he turned and walked away, leaving me to stare after him.

* * *

(Thorin's POV)

Thorin sighed. He was pacing in his study, occasionally hearing Fili and Dis fretting over Kili, who was in immediate need of a bath, or at least in his sister's point of view. His nephew had returned, and when he had heard Kili's voice, ring out so quietly and so steadily, he had felt a flash of joy.

But he didn't show it.

No, he didn't. Because he was Thorin Oakenshield, and Thorin Oakenshield had to be strong. Thorin Oakenshield couldn't afford to make mistakes or show his emotions so strongly. So he had merely clapped his nephew on the shoulder, murmuring, "Glad you're back."

And he was. Truly, he was.

But he didn't have the courage to say what he had truly wished he could have said. Was it really that hard to utter those three words to Kili or Fili? Yes, it was. It was just too hard to say, _I love you_, or even, _I care for you. You are the most precious thing to me in life._

He couldn't say it. Frustrated and angry with himself, Thorin sat down on his chair and quickly fell into a deep sleep, slumped over his desk.

* * *

**End of Chapter Six**

**Author's Note: Well, I wasn't really intending to put in Thorin's POV, but my Muse insisted on it. I hope you enjoyed it, please REVIEW!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

**Disclaimer: SAME AS USUAL! :)**

**Author's Note: Thanks to all those who reviewed last chapter. I hope everyone enjoys this one as well! My Muse and I worked hard on this one! (Well, we work hard on every chapter … Whatever!) Enjoy! Hey, I just decided that we would hear from Kili about the Quest as well, so lots of chapters! The Quest will be a bit AU, though. I might twist and turn a few parts about, just to make it a bit more interesting. Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

Fili wouldn't let me out of his sight. That wasn't good. Everywhere I went, he came. Thankfully, he didn't come to the washroom with me, but still, his following me had made me puzzled and slightly on edge. Perhaps he was afraid, afraid that I would leave him again. Yes, that was probably it.

But the biggest problem was that I couldn't challenge Linor and Finor because Fili was always trailing after me, always watching me.

Finor and Linor had been surprised to see me at lessons with Dwalin again. I suppose they had been hoping that I was dead.

_"__Hey, look, Linor! The dwarfling is back!" Finor cried out._

_The other dwarflings spun to watch the 'action' as Linor responded to his brother. "That's not a dwarf, Finor! That's an elf-spawn!"_

_"__Elf-spawn!" Finor and Linor both cried. They jabbed at me with their swords. It wasn't hard enough to actually cut or stab me, but they left quite a sting._

I scowled at the memory. A hand on my shoulder made me jump. Fili gazed down at me with an affectionate smile. "What are you thinking about, brother?" Fili asked, sitting down beside me.

"Nothing," I said with a shrug in my voice. "Not much."

Fili regarded me with a curious look, but to my relief he didn't ask any more questions. "How do you feel about swimming?"

"Swimming?" I shot him a glance, and Fili's smile widened. Swimming sounded great. Swimming was great, especially in this hot summer weather. "Sure."

Fili laughed and jumped up. "Race you to the pond!" he challenged.

I leaped up after him, shouting indignantly, "Not fair! You had a head start!" I ran and followed Fili's footprints. We skidded to a halt next to the rather big pond surrounded by trees and bushes. A log was placed conveniently for anyone who wanted to sit and rest.

I leaped in, still fully clothed, and so did Fili. It didn't matter. We were only dressed in thin tunics and shorts anyway. Mother wouldn't mind. Hopefully.

I swam to the surface, gasping for air but grinning. Fili had already arrived at the surface. Everyone knew that Fili was the better swimmer between the two of us, but I was still better at him in some other things, such as shooting with a bow and arrow.

The last time Fili had tried to shoot, he had almost killed Dwalin, and thus, his shooting lessons had ended. I was almost as good as Thorin in shooting, or rather, I told myself that. Dwalin insisted that I was better than Thorin. There weren't many good dwarven archers, and I was proud of my shooting skills.

A wave of water crashed down over me and I sputtered, coughing. The water tasted foul. Making a face, I swam up to the surface and paddled toward the edge of the pond before spitting out foul water.

"Stop daydreaming, Kee!" Fili called as he grinned cheekily.

I scowled at him. "I'll get you back!" I bellowed, pointing a finger at him. Fili's grin widened even more, if possible. I made some threatening and rather rude gestures toward him.

"Kee! I would never tell you to go kiss an Orc!" Fili sputtered as he read my gestures.

I lunged for him with a grin and we went down, tussling and sputtering.

After a while, I found myself on solid land, Fili sitting on my back and holding my wrists behind me. I bucked, but he wouldn't let me go. "Fili!" I whined.

"Nope. Not letting go, brother. Apologize for what you said."

"I didn't say it!" I protested. "I gestured it!"

Nimble fingers tickled my ribs and stomach and I shrieked with laughter, bucking in the mud and getting myself dirty, but Fili was merciless. "FEE!" I screamed, eventually curling into a protective ball and wrapping my arms around myself, protecting my ribs and stomach.

I didn't see Fili's smirk until it was too late. He began tickling the soles of my feet and I squealed, thrashing. "S-STOP!" I cried. "PLEASE, FEE!"

"Say you're sorry."

"SORRY! SORRYYYYY!" I bellowed. "FEEEE!" I burst into harder laughter, and eventually Fili stopped, releasing me.

"You're muddy, brother," Fili said, eyeing me. "Mother will kill you."

"Mother will kill _you_," I retorted. "I'll tell uncle that you attacked me."

"Attack? I didn't attack you!"

We continued arguing as we waded back into the water to wash off the dirt and mud, and when we were clean we clambered on shore and began heading home, wringing the water out of our wet clothes.

It felt nice and cool in the hot day, and I found myself grinning, all worries that previously filled my mind gone. I wished I could stay like that for my entire life, and for a moment, I thought that the rest of the day would go well.

I was wrong.

* * *

"WHERE HAVE THE TWO OF YOU BEEN?" Mother shrieked the moment we entered the house, our clothes and hair now mostly dry but still a bit damp. "NO NOTE, NO MESSAGE, NOTHING!"

I winced at Mother's scream. I looked over to Fili and saw the look of guilt on his face, and I instantly realized that we should have written a note for Mother or uncle before going.

Dis had been visiting the market today and Thorin had been working at the forge from dawn, but he would have probably taken a break to come home and eat before going back to the forge. He would have probably just assumed that we were with Mother or something.

"Mother, we're sorry," I began.

"SORRY?" Mother shrieked again. "OH, YOU WILL BE SORRY WHEN THORIN GOES UP TO YOUR ROOM TO SPEAK TO THE BOTH OF YOU!"

I felt myself go numb, and when I glanced at Fili, I saw that my older brother had gone a bit pale. Neither of us wanted to suffer Thorin's wrath.

When Mother turned and stormed away, we both took it as our cue to head up to our room. When we arrived, I silently changed into some dry clothes and when I looked over to the bed, I saw Fili, already dressed and sitting quietly.

"Uncle will not be pleased," Fili commented quietly as I sat on our bed as well.

"He won't be happy," I agreed. I felt a sudden feeling again—a feeling I hadn't felt in a long time.

Shame.

I was ashamed of myself. I had disappointed uncle. Again. I could never be a proper prince; I could never be a leader. I didn't know how to be one.

"Brother?"

I blinked and shook myself out of my thoughts. Fili was staring at me with concern in his gaze. "You know, you can tell me about what's bothering you."

I shrugged. I opened my mouth, but what came out was, "It's nothing."

Fili regarded me shrewdly for a few moments, then sighed and closed his eyes. "If you say so," he muttered.

I felt a flash of guilt. Betrayal. That was what Fili felt right now; I knew because I had seen it in his eyes. My brother had closed his eyes to hide his feelings. I wished I could tell him, oh, I wished I could! But I couldn't. It was stubborn Durin pride I had inherited from Thorin; we were well known for it. But it wasn't just pride, I realized. It was also the feeling that I might shame my brother as well as my entire family.

I wasn't a real dwarf. I was … I was nothing.

_You are nothing_, the voice agreed.

I shut my eyes and struggled to block out the pounding inside my head. Then the door creaked open and Fili and I both looked up. Thorin stepped in.

I braced myself for the tongue-lashing that was sure to come, but instead, what Thorin did was frown at us for a few moments before saying softly, "Your mother is not happy."

"We know," Fili answered.

"She screamed at us," I added, rather unnecessarily. Then I grimaced when Thorin cast me a disapproving look. I dropped my head, feeling my face burn with embarrassment.

Thorin merely muttered something under his breath (it sounded suspiciously like a curse), then walked out the door, closing it shut behind him.

I exchanged a confused look with Fili. What had just happened? No scolding, no roaring, no thrashing? Then I heard it. So did Fili. We both leaped off the bed and pressed our ears to the door.

"Thorin, you can't just let it go!" Mother was yelling. A thump sounded, and I guessed that Mother had slammed her fist to the kitchen table in her temper.

"Dis—"

"It was unacceptable behaviour!"

"Dis, please, just listen—"

"No, Thorin, _you _listen!" Mother snarled at our uncle. The anger in Mother's voice suddenly dropped and it was replaced with—sorrow? "I can't lose them, Thorin," her voice croaked so quietly that I had to strain to listen.

"You won't," Thorin answered in a low voice.

"That—that pond," Mother said in trembling voice again. "I—Mirli—I can't—"

I suddenly heard Fili's breathing quicken and felt him tense. I looked at him, curious, but otherwise kept my mouth shut and continued to listen.

"THEIR FATHER DIED IN THAT SAME POND!"

I was suddenly knocked backwards as Fili rushed out, flinging the door open. I regained my senses and stumbled after him, and found Fili facing Mother and Thorin.

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Fili bellowed, pointing a finger at Mother. "Father died during a flood! He died saving dwarflings that were trapped!"

Mother had tears in her eyes. I heard Thorin mutter, "Dis, leave." Mother, surprisingly, left. I supposed she didn't want to hear about her dead husband.

I didn't know Father. I had never met him. But Fili had, and I knew that Fili had been _very _close to him. Father had died the day after I was born, and Fili had been five that day. It seemed that he was remembering that day clearly. My brother's breathing was harsh and wicked; he was trembling so hard that I became concerned. But before I could speak, Thorin did.

"No, your mother is correct," Thorin said softly. "Mirli son of Rili died during a flood, as you said, but that pond, the pond you went swimming in today … the night before the flood, it had rained heavily. The pond filled up with water and when the flood began, your father, mother, Dwalin, Balin and a few others and I managed to escape narrowly. But two dwarflings were trapped. They were on their table, but they were surrounded by water. They were too young to swim, and there was no sight of their parents. Dead, perhaps."

Thorin sighed, meeting Fili's transfixed gaze. Then he continued. "Mirli knew how to swim. He ran forward, ignoring your Mother's protests and dove into the water. He threw the two dwarflings to Dwalin and Balin, and they were safe. Just as Mirli was about to swim back to safety, where we were all waiting anxiously, a wave of water crashed down above him. He couldn't get back to the surface. He sank deep into the bottom of the pond, and his body was never found again. That was the day after you were born, Kili son of Dis."

I felt a shudder. The very same pond that we had gone swimming in—it might have held our father's dead body? I shuddered again.

"Now do you see why we were so worried?" Thorin moved closer to us, but to my envy and dismay, he drew Fili into a warm hug.

I felt a flash of anger and jealousy. Thorin never hugged me like that. He had never hugged me or cradled me when I had been a wee dwarfling. But I remembered that he had held Fili, hugged him, told him stories.

Then, the day I was born, he had hardened. He never spoke to me as tenderly as he had once spoken to Fili, he never hugged me. He had … changed. I saw Fili close his eyes, accepting his warm embrace.

I turned away, unable to bear looking at their closeness. I knew the feeling too well. I was jealous. "Excuse me," I muttered, grabbing a coat and snapping on my boots before heading out. I snatched up my sword along the way and strapped it to my belt.

"Kili?" I heard Fili call after me.

But I ignored it.

No one wanted me.

"Kili, wait! I'm coming with you!"

The words that Thorin spoke next truly broke my heart.

"Leave him, Fili. He is too lost to see who he truly is."

_Uncle's right_, I thought to myself miserably. _I don't know who I am._

* * *

**End of Chapter Seven**

**Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed! Please REVIEW!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

**Disclaimer: Same as the usual**

**Author's Note: Thanks to whoever reviewed last chapter! Enjoy this one as well!**

* * *

_"__Please, just let me go!"_

_"__You deserve this, Elf-spawn!"_

_"__I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please, just let me GO!"_

_"__It's time for you to die!"_

_A cold blade touched my throat, and I screamed desperately, thrashing as hard as I could. But something was holding down my legs, but there was nothing there. The blade dug in deeper and I screamed again. _

_"__Please! I-I'm sorry!"_

I woke up, gasping. It had been a while since I had had that dream, but to dream it again … it spooked me. It was night and the sky was dark. I had fallen asleep outside. I groaned. Thorin and Mother and Fili would be worrying.

_They'll be worrying about useless, little Kili. Kili the burden, Kili the elf-spawn, Kili the half-elf, Kili the useless._

I clenched my jaw, digging my nails into the palms of my hands. I began walking back home, sighing. What I had seen still pained me. Thorin had embraced Fili so warmly, without hesitation … I choked, gasping when I felt a salty liquid trickle down and into my mouth. I swiped away the tears angrily, reminding myself that Thorin liked Fili better, that he always had. I was just … I was just Fili's backup. I was the second prince, the useless one.

"Hey, look! He's crying!"

I jerked my head up, recognizing that voice instantly. Finor and Linor strode out of the shadows, grinning wickedly.

"Go away," I muttered, making sure that no traces of tears were seen. But the damage was done already. They had already seen me.

"Have you been kicked out again, Kili the half-elf?" Finor sneered. He jerked his sword at me and I flinched, then raged at myself for doing so as Linor and Finor laughed.

"What are you doing out so late, Kili Elf-spawn?" Linor asked mockingly.

"Oh, I get it!" Finor cried.

I jumped, clutching the hilt of my sword warily.

"Your uncle was so ashamed that he kicked you out!" Linor finished.

"My uncle's not ashamed of me!" I argued. Then I blinked, surprised at the lie that had come out of my mouth. "My uncle's proud!"

Another lie. I grimaced.

Finor jabbed me with his sword, but I managed to block it in time. Finor blinked in surprise, and I felt a flash of triumph, but it was gone when Linor knocked me back easily with the flat of his blade. I fell backwards and landed on the ground.

I looked down, feeling something warm and wet trickle down my hand. I had fallen on my sword and it had cut my hand.

"Poor little Kili!" Linor taunted. He poked me with his sword and I winced. "Can't even control a blade."

"That's because he's a half-elf! Kili Half-elf!" Finor smirked. "He's much better suited with a bow!"

I felt a flash of rage at the new name they had given me. Kili Half-Elf? I hated that name. With a snarl, I snatched up my sword and scrambled to my feet, holding my sword out defensively the way Dwalin had taught me to.

"I am not an elf," I snarled. "I'm a dwarf! And I know how to wield a sword!" I thrust my sword but Linor knocked it away easily.

He strode forward and kicked me to the ground easily. I silently wished I could rip his head off as I dodged his kick just in time. But I rolled into Finor, who grinned and gave me a wickedly hard kick to the ribs. I groaned.

"You can come out now," Finor called.

I opened my eyes. It was blurry, but I could still make out most shapes. I squinted, trying to figure out the shapes in front of me, staring down at me. When the dwarf spoke, I recognized his voice instantly.

"He's mighty injured."

I gasped. "C-Corum?" I sputtered. "What are you doing?"

Corum knelt beside me, not answering the question. "Well? Get on with it!" Finor demanded. Corum looked at me. I met his eyes. "Corum!" Finor snarled.

Corum seemed to take a shuddering breath. Then he kicked me, hard in the ribs, in the same spot where Finor had kicked me. I choked, rolling over and gasping. "Corum!" I sputtered. "What are you doing?" I was confused. Corum was my friend. We had become friends. I felt a flash of betrayal as Corum stood up and nodded to Finor.

"Let's get going," he said.

I stared, watching the two bullies walk away with my friend, talking quietly. Corum had betrayed me. I got up, clenching my sword and gritting my teeth. Then I turned and began to slowly stumble home, every step a flash of pain.

* * *

"Where have you been?" Fili gasped the moment I stumbled into the house. "You're injured!"

"I know that," I answered wearily, brushing past him. I shed my coat and hung it up before placing my boots in its usual place. I tossed the sword to the floor when I arrived to the room Fili and I shared, knowing that Thorin would upbraid me for treating it so disrespectfully but doing it anyway.

"Thorin will have your head for that," Fili commented.

I scowled at him. I didn't feel good. I felt as if my ribs were cracked (they probably were), and I felt betrayal and anger at Corum. I plopped down on my bed and drew in a deep breath, then grimaced.

I massaged my ribs. "I think one of them is cracked," I murmured.

Fili 'tsked'. He helped me lift off my muddy shirt and ran his hands up and down my ribs. "I'm not sure; I'm not a healer," Fili said, "but I suppose I'll wrap it just in case. We'll see Oin tomorrow." He began to wrap my ribs with tough bandages.

I winced. "Fili? Do we have to go to Oin tomorrow?" I asked. "D-do we have to … do we have to tell Uncle about this?"

Fili paused and looked at me closely. "Is that what's troubling you?" he asked quietly. "Uncle's feelings?"

I looked down. "I just don't want to tell him," I muttered.

"We don't have to tell Thorin," Fili said. He finished wrapping the bandages and pulled down my shirt. "But I think we should go to Oin. I don't know how serious this injury is, Kee."

"All right," I sighed. "But don't tell uncle."

"We'll sneak out tomorrow when Mother goes to visit her friend and Thorin goes to work at the forge."

* * *

"You're very lucky," Oin commented as he examined me. "One more kick and your ribs would have been cracked. They're bruised mightily, aye, but better bruised than broken." Oin rummaged through his bag, and pulled out a small container. "Here. Rub this salve on your ribs for about three days. If it still hurts after three days, come back and I'll take a closer look."

"All right," I answered.

"However did you get that injury?" Oin asked curiously.

I flinched when Fili shot me a look. "Aye, brother. How exactly did you get that?"

I chewed my bottom lip. "I … uhh … I tripped during sparring with Dwalin."

"Sure," my brother said. A look of doubt was in his eyes, but thankfully he didn't ask any more questions. Neither did Oin.

"Run along, now," Oin said. "And be careful. I don't want to see you in here until at least a month!"

I snorted. Unlikely. Fili and I got constant injuries. Sometimes I wondered why Oin didn't even leave one of his bags at our house. It would surely be easier than carrying the heavy bag full of medicines to our house every time someone got hurt. I had suggested it once, but everyone had just shrugged it off, or had not listened.

But no one listened to me.

No one ever listened to me.

* * *

_"__You are useless trash!"_

_I gasped, backing away. "No!" he whispered. "Uncle?"_

_Thorin sneered at him. "I am ashamed to be related to you, Kili Half-Elf!" He pointed to a dead body beside him._

_I gasped. It was Fili. My brother. My beloved dear brother. "No!" I croaked. "No."_

_"__Yes," Thorin sneered. "It was you who did this. You killed my heir. You killed the one I loved the most."_

_"__No! Uncle, I swear I didn't!" I gasped. "I would never—"_

_"__You were jealous of him, weren't you? You're jealous that Fili is my preferred one, Fili is the older, Fili is the useful heir, while you're nothing. You're nobody."_

_"__I'm Kili!" I cried. "I am useful! Please, uncle, let me prove it to you!"_

_"__You've already lost your chance by killing my heir, Kili Half-Elf," Thorin answered coldly, turning away. He glanced over his shoulder. "You are not a dwarf. You are not a prince."_

_The scene changed._

_I was on the ground, staring up into cold eyes. "C-Corum?" I croaked. "What are you doing?"_

_My friend was pointing a sword at me. I swallowed, feeling the cold metal linger on my exposed throat. "You don't deserve to live, Kili Half-Elf," Corum said coldly. "You are nothing. You are nobody. You are no dwarf. You shame our kind! You shame our race!"_

_He stabbed down, and then the world went black. I screamed, feeling my blood run cold. Was I dead? I couldn't be dead. It wasn't possible._

_Then, out of nowhere, a voice floated out._

_"__Accept your destiny."_

_"__What is my destiny?" I argued with the invisible person speaking with me. "Who are you? Where are you?"_

_"__I am in your heart," the voice answered. I felt a tingle go up my spine at the ominous words. _

_"__What do you mean?" I demanded._

_"__I am the last spark of hope in your heart," the voice said. "Do not fret, Kili son of Dis. You are a son of Durin. You still have hope left."_

_"__You're wrong," I said, bowing my head. "I have no hope left."_

Then I woke up, gasping and trembling, drenched in sweat.

* * *

**End of Chapter Eight**

**Author's Note: Well? Hope you enjoyed! Please REVIEW and tell me what you thought!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: The same as usual**

**Author's Note: I'm soooo sorry for the long wait. I was very busy for a long time. I apologize if this chapter doesn't make up for the long wait (it probably won't, but still). I hope you enjoy, and if you don't, I'll work hard to make the next chapter better. Thank you!**

**Chapter Nine**

* * *

"Dis, I don't understand him!"

I woke up to Thorin and my mother's hissed conversation. I sat up, still and quiet. I glanced over at Fili's bed - empty. He was probably out training like the good prince he was. Not that I felt jealous or anything.

"What don't you understand about Kili, Thorin?" Dis hissed back.

I listened, laying down again and faking sleep by slowing my breathing.

"He's ... different, Dis." I heard Thorin sigh. "He's so ... un-dwarvish-like? I'm not sure how to explain it to you, but he's not quite the second heir that I imagined I would have."

_You've always thought that_, I thought resentfully.

"Fili, he's a strong fighter, smart and brave. He fights with two swords, Dis. Two! Kili uses a bow and arrow. Why? Dwarves don't often use bows as their main weapon."

"Perhaps it's because you've never given him a sword, Thorin?" Dis retorted. "You gave Fili a sword that you made for his birthday. Why not Kili?"

_Because he thinks I can't handle one, that's why._ I scowled.

"Because I don't think he can handle one properly, Dis. And there's an end to it. He's more elvish-like than any other dwarf I know."

I heard my uncle's footsteps fade away, and then I heard my mother sigh before walking away as well. I felt a deep pang in my heart at my uncle's words. As much as they were true, I didn't like hearing the words that I was the one that Thorin didn't care about. I wasn't the precious heir to the lost kingdom, Erebor. I was lost. It was like Thorin said - I didn't know who I was.

* * *

I was standing in the empty training yard. Every other dwarf was gone; even Dwalin wasn't here. I shot a few arrows at the target before sighing and straightening to retrieve them.

"You are quite excellent with the bow."

I turned around. Balin was watching me. "Why are you here?" I asked flatly. I might've sounded a bit rude, but I didn't really care. No one cared about me.

Balin just walked forward before stopping a few steps away from me. He tilted his head, gazing at me with his scrutinizing eyes. "You seem ... bothered," he mused. He glanced around our surroundings and said, "Why are you here alone?"

I looked down, not able to meet those gentle eyes. "I'm not bothered. And I'm here alone because I am."

"And you like being lonely?"

"I'm okay with it." My lips twitched at the lie. It was a lie, a foul, white lie. I hated being alone. I _hated_ it.

Calloused but gentle fingers tipped my chin up and I tensed. When had Balin gotten so close? I had no choice but to meet his eyes. Balin observed me before releasing my chin and murmuring, "Those are the eyes of someone who has been betrayed. Those are the eyes of someone afraid."

"I'm not scared," I said, jerking back and avoiding Balin's eyes. Who knew they could be so intense? _Please, just leave me alone_, I thought pleadingly. _I don't want to talk anymore._

"Perhaps," Balin replied, stepping back as if he had gotten my message. "But remember this, youngling - you must be afraid of something to be brave." He tipped his head and said, "Good day, little Kili."

I stared at the ground, hearing Balin's footsteps fade away. Why had Balin spoken those words to me? Surely they meant something. I sighed before turning to gather my arrows again.

"Kili?"

I stopped. I knew that voice. And I _hated _it. "What do you want now, Corum?" I sneered. The dwarf who had betrayed me. The dwarf I was once friends with. The dwarf that I now hated.

"Kili, please-"

"Go away." I turned around and glared icily at him, grinding my teeth. "Why should I talk to you?"

Corum's face fell and he whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Oh, you're sorry." I sneered before hissing, "You think being sorry fixes everything?"

Corum flinched back from my coldness. "They forced me!" he cried. "Finor and Linor, they forced me! They said that they would beat me up like they did to you!"

"So you betrayed me because you were scared." I scoffed scornfully and snarled scathingly, "You _coward_!"

I saw Corum cringe and look crestfallen, and I felt a twinge of pity but I pushed it away firmly. _He deserves it. _"I don't want to see you again," I said coldly, turning around. "It's too late now. Leave."

I heard Corum's footsteps slowly fade away. Still fuming a bit, I shoved the arrows into my quiver and headed home with a heavy heart. I had hoped that things would get better. But I was wrong. Of course I was - I was always wrong.

Things would never get better.

* * *

"Where were you?" Fili asked when I trekked in tiredly.

I ignored his question and instead put away my bow and arrows before sitting at the kitchen table where my uncle and mother were sitting, staring at me silently. "Sorry I'm late for dinner again," I muttered. "I was training."

"Alone?"

I jerked my head up at my uncle, who was gazing at me with a strange expression. "Yes, sir," I muttered. "Alone. I'm sorry for not telling you."

There was a moment of tense silence before Fili shifted a bit on his chair beside me.

"Kili."

"Yes, Uncle?" I stared at the scratches on the table.

"Follow me."

"Yes, Uncle." I stood up, miserable. My day was going horribly; not that the other days were any better. But, still.

"Thorin-"

"Dis." Thorin's tone of voice made even my mother silent.

I saw Fili give me a slightly worried glance and I tried to smile a bit to reassure him that I would be fine. Hopefully. He turned to Mother, who served him a plate of food.

"Uncle?"

"Yes, Kili."

"Where are we going?"

"Out."

"At night?" I furrowed my brow in confusion but when Thorin gave me a look, I got the message immediately and quieted.

We arrived at the field Fili and I always used to play when we were wee dwarflings and knew nothing of the world. Thorin sat down on the ground, encouraging me to do the same. I sat, taking in my surroundings. I hadn't been at the field for a long time.

There was a small pond with beautiful flowers surrounding it - Fili and I would always swim or sail small wooden boats that we had crafted or bought from Bofur for a cheap price. The hill my uncle and I sat on was the very same hill Fili and I used to sit on and gaze up at the sky, giggling and pointing out amusing shapes in the clouds. The trees rustled and I felt an urge to climb the trees just like I used to do when I was little. I always got in trouble for it, but I had still continued stubbornly.

"Kili."

"Aye, Uncle," I said, a bit startled.

"You have been having a hard time lately."

It was not a question. "Yes, sir," I answered hesitantly.

Thorin sighed. "It's difficult, I understand," he murmured.

I frowned. What was wrong with Thorin? "Uncle? Are you all right?"

"I am fine, but you are not."

"Since when were you so concerned about me?" I muttered louder than I had originally intended. My eyes flicked up to Thorin and my mouth opened to apologize, but Thorin spoke first.

"I am always concerned about you, Kili." Thorin placed a large, calloused hand on my shoulder and patted it before saying, "You are my nephew, and I will always worry."

I fought the urge to push my uncle away, telling myself inwardly that this was the closest I had ever gotten to Thorin in a while and that I shouldn't push him away. "You like Fili better," I said with a shuddering breath. There, I had said it. "You don't like me as much as you like him."

Thorin was silent for a moment, and my heart sank. As much as I knew it, I was dismayed to hear Thorin silent and probably agreeing. "Kili," he sighed. "I care for both of you equally."

_Lies,_ I thought, but wisely stayed silent. It wouldn't do good to yell at him, though I could always run to Fralmirr and Thazmirr and their apprentices, Norgram and Boram. But what good would that do?

"But what Fili can do, you cannot."

I flinched at the words and nibbled on my bottom lip. So he did like Fili better. Of course he did. Fili was the perfect nephew, the perfect son, the perfect prince, the perfect heir. _Perfect Fili_, I thought resentfully.

"What _you _can do, he cannot."

I frowned. Where was Thorin going with this? Thorin sighed and murmured, as if hearing my question, "Kili, this means that you are both special in your own unique ways."

I wanted to believe those words. And I almost did. _Almost_.

There was a silence it was soon broken by loud rumbling sounds and the sounds of horns blowing.

I frowned. "What was that?" I looked at my uncle's dark expression.

Thorin snarled with a look of hatred, "Elves."

* * *

**End of Chapter Nine**

**Author's Note: There, chapter nine! Poor Kili, things are getting heated up. Just when you think it's getting better, something happens and things go back to square one. *evil smirk***

**Once again, I'm so sorry for the long wait. I wonder if people are still reading this story. Please drop me a review if you enjoyed. Feedback is welcome, as always. Thanks again! I will try and update ASAP but life has gotten busy for me. My grandfather fell ill and is in the hospital. Some of Balin's words are from my grandfather, so practically credit goes to him. If it doesn't trouble you, please, PLEASE take a little bit of your time to pray for him to get better soon. Thank you so much, I love you all.**

**Please Review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: The usual :)**

**Author's Note: So, I just want to say, thank you to all reviewers, followers, and "favouriters". I'm glad a lot of you enjoyed the last chapter. Thank you for the kind words and encouragement. I am truthfully surprised that people actually like and read this story. I'm relieved that it's not THAT boring :p So, I hope this one is good too! Maybe even better ;) Thanks again to everyone, especially those who prayed for my ill grandfather. Thank you.**

**Chapter Ten**

* * *

"Elves?" I spluttered. "Elves? Uncle, why would there be elves here, in Ered Luin?"

Thorin's expression got even more darker, if possible. "Trust me, Kili. I know the sounds of Elven horns." He looked straight into my eyes, making me tense a bit. I wasn't that comfortable meeting Thorin's eyes, truthfully. They were too ... knowing. As if he knew everything that I was going through - but he didn't. And I wouldn't tell him, because I could already guess his response.

It would probably go along the lines of: '_What? I am ashamed of you, Kili! From my own nephew, my own heir..._', and on and on. Never ending. Never stopping. Forever.

"Kili! Come! Follow me!"

Thorin's quickly barked out orders made me start and I hurried after him, not wanting to annoy my Uncle when he was in 'this' mood. Fili and I knew to steer clear when Thorin was like this. All questions and statements would be answered with 'Yes, sir', or 'No, sir', or even 'I understand, sir'.

I hadn't thought that the Elvish horns were _that _loud. But apparently they were. We were quite a small village - only hiding out and taking shelter under this small place called the Blue Mountains until Erebor could be reclaimed. Most of the dwarves were wide-eyed, some drowsy-eyed, as they stumbled out of their houses.

I heard the sound of horse hooves and muttered a rather foul curse after checking that Thorin was a bit of a distance away. "Uncle Thorin will have your head for that curse, Kee."

I turned around and Fili put his arm around my shoulder. I could see his blondish short beard move as he grinned and I once again wished that I would have more facial hair. All I had was barely any stubble. Rather humiliating, as beards were a dwarf's pride.

"Of what reason have you come here for, elf?"

Thorin's harsh tone jerked me out of my thoughts of facial hair. I gaped. A fair amount of elves were saddled in horses. I saw Fili pretend to gag and I grinned. I could hear Fili's thoughts - even the horses stood proudly.

The elf at the front - an elf with golden hair just smirked. I could hear Thorin's temper fuming and winced. Not good. "Who are you?" Thorin growled.

The elf narrowed his beautiful amber eyes and pronounced slowly and clearly, "Glindir. And you are Thorin Oakenshield."

"I know my own name," Thorin hissed, eyes flaring.

Glindir's gaze wandered around before stopping on Fili. "And that is your nephew? The blond one."

Thorin gave one, curt nod.

Glindir's eyes narrowed and he tilted his head when he spotted me beside Fili. I stiffened when the tips of his lips curved a bit into a smirk, but not a kind smirk. It was more of an arrogant smirk.

"That is your younger nephew? Second heir to the throne?"

"Yes, but it is none of your concern." Thorin's eyes narrowed and I could see his jaw moving, teeth grinding.

Glindir gave a sound between a snort and a huff. "He looks more elf-like than a dwarf. My, my, Thorin Oakenshield, have you been busy with a pretty elf? Barely has any stubble," he commented to the elf with platinum-blond and sapphire eyes. Beside that elf, there were two identical looking ones - probably twins. They were smirking a bit as well.

My face burned with humiliation and anger as Fili scowled and put his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it. I hated them. I _hated _the elves so bad.

"We need one dwarf, Thorin Oakenshield," Glindir said after the snickers and smirks died down. "And we want that one." He pointed straight at me and I tried not to flinch.

Thorin let out a low growl. "And why should I let my nephew go?"

"Because I said so." Glindir's amber eyes glinted. "And you don't want us to take him forcefully." Thorin remained silent. Glindir narrowed his eyes and said, "He will be returned safely back to you after a while. The Lord Thranduil wants one dwarf and one only - to show you petty dwarves that if we remain as enemies, it will be the death of us sooner or later."

"And Lord Thranduil did not think of that when Erebor was attacked by the beast," Thorin snarled lowly. Glindir did not answer.

Tension crackled in the air and I shrank back against Fili. I didn't like this. Why did they want me?

Thorin was silent for a while until he growled, "For how long?"

"One month? Two, perhaps."

"Uncle!" Fili cried out, startling everyone. "You can't let them take Kee! You can't!"

"Hush, Fili," Thorin said darkly. "This is my decision - mine alone." He ignored Fili's desperate splutters and hissed, "Very well! Take him and make sure you return him safely! If you harm him, if I find one little scratch on him ..." He left the threat hanging.

"No! NO!" Fili cried out, grabbing at me as two elves ushered me toward the group of elves. I looked at Thorin desperately but he wouldn't meet my eyes. The last words I heard from him before I was ushered along once more were to my mother, who looked so ... sad. So desperate. So angry.

"One dwarf sacrificed is better than the entire group," Thorin growled lowly.

I swallowed. He thought it was okay because the dwarf being sacrificed was me. It wasn't okay. It would never be okay. I bitterly blinked away the tears before reluctantly allowing myself to be dragged along by the elves. I threw one last look at Fili. He was yelling at Thorin.

Then we disappeared into the woods.

* * *

I had assumed that the elves would treat me horribly. After all, dwarves and elves ... not so friendly with each other. Either Thorin's threat had worked or they had originally planned to not hurt me.

"Give him a horse," Gladir called.

"I don't need one," I said stubbornly, scowling.

There were three elves that ushered me along, and they all chuckled, making me scowl even more. At the rear, ushering me along, was the beautiful elf with sapphire eyes and golden hair. On either side of me were the two elves I had assumed were twins - they looked identical. The only way to tell them apart was by their clothing. The one on the right wore a royal blue tunic and the one on my left wore a pale ocean green tunic. They had dark hair and they occasionally exchanged smirks, like they knew something I didn't.

"You need a horse, Master Dwarf," the one on my right said with an even bigger smirk. "You cannot walk all the way to Mirkwood on your feet."

I gaped. They were taking me to Mirkwood. "That's too far!" I blurted out.

"Indeed," the other twin said with a smirk. "Too far to walk."

Scowling, I said, "No, I mean it's too far from my home."

The one at the rear merely said, "You will return safely. I promise." And he called for a horse.

I sat down on the horse reluctantly, only because I was tired and hungry. I had not eaten dinner.

"Master Dwarf, your name."

"Kili," I said curtly. I glanced at the three accompanying me. "And you?"

"Legolas," the golden-haired one said. He pointed to the twin on my right and said, "Elladan." Then the left twin - "Elrohir."

I just gave one short nod, not wanting to respond or have a very long conversation with these elves. Elves and dwarves weren't exactly on best terms with each other, after all. His thoughts drifted to Thorin and Fili. He remembered Fili's screaming and yelling at Thorin.

_'You can't let them take Kee! You can't!'_

I missed Fili already. I couldn't live without him. It was like Fili was my anchor to life; I never told anyone though. I had told Dwalin once before, and he had growled, _'You shouldn't depend so much on that brother of yours. What if you lose him later on? Will you die as well? No, Kili, you cannot depend on him so much. You have to have your own life._'

I remembered I had gotten angry with Dwalin - I had expected him to just laugh or something, or at least tell me to get back to training. After seeing Dwalin's reactions, I knew immediately that I couldn't tell Thorin. He would rumble at me and growl that I was to shut my mouth and get back to work.

That reminded me - Thorin.

_'One dwarf sacrificed is better than the entire group'._

I shivered. If it was Fili, Thorin would have never let him go. I wanted to just get off this horse, run away and curl up and cry. Cry in fear of what my uncle would say when he found me so weak, cry because I missed Fili, cry because I wanted to. I wanted to cry because Thorin hated me.

"What's going on in that head of yours, Kili? You look ... anxious."

It was Elladan who asked me - I could only tell the twins apart by their clothing. Elladan, who wore a royal blue tunic, raised his eyebrow when I growled, "And why do you care?"

"Because you are under our care for the moment." Elrohir was the one who answered, his horse trotting up next to me as we sped up a little. "I recall Thorin Oakenshield threatening us to keep you safe. Not even a scratch, hmm?" He smirked.

I scowled and muttered under my breath, "Uncle doesn't care about _me_. I bet he only said that for the others to hear and settle down."

Unfortunately for me, I had forgotten that elves had quite keen hearing. Elladan tipped his head to the side, eyes narrowing and brow creasing. "What makes you think that?"

I glared at him and growled, "He always liked Fili better." Then, I realized that I was spilling my feelings to people who I had just met - and elves at that. I looked away quickly, refusing to speak anymore.

The rest of the trip was silent, until Glindir called to stop and settle down for the night. I sat down, back against a tree and quite far from the elves. I sat there for a while until I saw feet in front of me. I looked up. It was Legolas. "Glindir wants you to move a bit closer," he said. "He wants to keep an eye on you."

"I'm not going to run away," I grumbled but moved anyway.

"It's for your safety," Legolas corrected. "Are you hungry?"

I shrugged. "A bit," I admitted. My belly rumbled. Wincing, I huffed half in annoyance and half in laughter when Legolas rolled his eyes, smirking.

"Here." Legolas handed him something that looked like bread. "One bite will probably be enough."

I looked at him skeptically, but when I bit into it and swallowed, I felt quite full after a while. _Elf magic_, I reckoned with a snort. I looked toward where the elves had set up a camp fire and were all huddled around it, laughing and talking quietly with each other. One of them glanced at me every once in a while, as if they were making sure I was still there.

I stood up and headed to Legolas. "I'm going for a walk," I told him shortly.

I felt a flash of annoyance when Legolas exchanged an unsure look with Glindir. I sighed and growled, "I won't run away; I'll come back. Where would I go anyway?" And I turned and strode away, tightening my cloak around me a bit tighter as the breeze ruffled it. I glanced back and caught Legolas whispering to Elladan, but I thought nothing of it. They were probably discussing elf business.

I headed toward the edge of a small cliff. It was dark, so I couldn't see what was down there. I stared down. Once again, I began to wonder if Fili was alright. I hoped Mother was, too. Thorin, well, he probably would be fine.

"Careful."

I spun around, eyes wide. Elladan was standing there, arms crossed as he watched me, perched on a thick tree branch. "What do you want?" I hissed, annoyed when I realized that Legolas had probably sent Elladan to watch over me.

"Careful!"

But it was too late. Unable to see that well in the dark, my foot slipped on a rock. Yelping, I felt my body slip over the edge of the small cliff. I grabbed onto the edge with my fingers, my muscles groaning in protest.

_Come on, Kili_, I thought to myself, growling and gritting my teeth as Elladan quickly scaled his way down the tree. _You're a dwarf - you can handle climbing back up. Just push yourself up and_-

_If you fall now, it'll all be over,_ a voice hissed.

I froze. "No, no, no, no," I moaned. "Go away."

"Kili! Grab my hand!"

But I was frozen, it felt my body was paralyzed. Paralyzed, unable to move. Helpless.

_Weak_, the voice sneered. _So, so weak. No wonder Thorin sent you instead of Fili. He'll be so happy if you let go right now. It'll all be over. Just let go. No more pain, no more weakness, no more disappointment, no more. Nothing._

"S-Shut up," I whimpered, but I felt my grip begin to go weak. I was losing strength. I could let go or make a last, probably useless, attempt to push myself up. I felt my foot kick and scrabble at the cliff wall, and heard a few rocks stumble down. That would be me - so free. Free from Thorin. Free from his disappointment, his anger, his sadness. Everything.

"KILI!" Elladan screamed at me. "Grab my hand! Now!"

I closed my eyes, shuddered as I took a deep breath. I grabbed Elladan's hand. I felt him begin to pull me up and felt my body go limp, exhausted.

_Let go, Kili. Just let go. Let go of his hand, and you'll be free. LET GO NOW!_

I felt my hand slip as I pulled it back.

"NO!" I heard Elladan scream.

Then I was falling.

* * *

**End of Chapter Ten**

**Author's Note: Was this chapter good? In my opinion, it might've been slightly boring but you tell me! I would love feedback, or more ideas. I'm sorry if this chapter sucked. :/ Once again, thank you to those who are actually still reading this story :) Thanks! Please REVIEW!**


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